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Array
(
[sid] => 70634
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => It’s time I took my life.
[time] => 2004-11-08 14:29:09
[hometext] => I, just, feel, suicidal… and here are some reasons for it…
[bodytext] => Why do I feel so confused? I feel dumb and torn and used. I don’t know my friends any more. I just no people who don’t see I’m raw. Some times, I see their sides that aren’t always seen. Then I get gob and it upsets me… I’m thinking like mad, it’s time I cut. I can’t turn away ‘coz the doors been shut. I’m thinking of over dose, And who it would affect. I’m thinking of jumping a roof, … And what I would have left. I’m thinking of being the selfish cow. And attempting a suicide end. I’m thinking of this ‘coz I can’t get out. And I feel like I’ve lost my head. I’m thinking of this and all I can say, Is I’m sorry if it goes ahead. But all day I’ve been thinking of crimson sprays. And all of that liquid red… Give me some way of handling me! ‘Coz I can’t control head some times. And some think its fun to start at me, And sooner or later I’ll punch out their lights. … And I’m just listening to the abuse I spray. Low confidence filling me inside. So I turn and move quickly away. Before I turn round and fight… But is this truthfully what makes me? I feel unstable and confused to be... I look around at the chaos here. I look around steering away the tears. Come tomorrow, what if I wasn’t here? Wouldn’t it be easier if I just disappeared? So many see me and down on the floor. Some have passed and kicked me some more. And such is life, don’t I know! I’m used to being innocent and then being accursed. Because of course it would be me! So just keep thudding your words! Calling me a thief. Making me feel like dirt. But it WASN’T me! And we all know that now. But just think about it Clare, ‘Coz you KNOW how it feels! I’ve thinking of all the little things, That will push me on my way. Don’t think I’m just exaggerating, About this screaming pain. I’m thinking hard on suicide. And no more of this stuck-up fake cover. No more, listening to their toxic lies. Because, I’m, going under. No more hearing those twisted lines, No more listening to my father. Because I’m ashamed to have his name, Knowing, he took sides with my brother…! [comments] => 3 [counter] => 160 [topic] => 36 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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