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Array ( [sid] => 70267 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Suicidal Dream [time] => 2004-11-05 14:29:52 [hometext] => Post Feedback <3 [bodytext] => The edge of your knife,
Rips into my skin,
Eyes full of sorrow,
The pain is within.
My eyes fill with tears,
As I whisper goodbye,
I dig the knife deeper,
As my heart starts to cry.
I pick up some pills,
And swallow a few,
No more than thirty;
No less than two.
My sight becomes blurry,
As I fall to the floor,
Bleeding and dead;
My head hits the door.
You pick up the note,
And im stripped of my pride,
This court is ajourned;
My suicide. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 235 [topic] => 36 [informant] => punk_casualties [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )

Suicidal Dream

Contributed by punk_casualties on Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 02:29:52 PM in AEST
Topic: Suicide

The edge of your knife,
Rips into my skin,
Eyes full of sorrow,
The pain is within.
My eyes fill with tears,
As I whisper goodbye,
I dig the knife deeper,
As my heart starts to cry.
I pick up some pills,
And swallow a few,
No more than thirty;
No less than two.
My sight becomes blurry,
As I fall to the floor,
Bleeding and dead;
My head hits the door.
You pick up the note,
And im stripped of my pride,
This court is ajourned;
My suicide.

Copyright © punk_casualties ... [ 2004-11-05 14:29:52]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by EVERxSOxSWEET on Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 03:06:56 PM AEST
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That was an amazing poem..Really..It had me hooked from the first line..Seems like something i would write [ that is, if i had actual talent ]
So keep it up

Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by eatfresh22 on Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 04:29:44 PM AEST
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Full of passion. Although painfully sad and hopeless, the poem itself was quite amazing. The rhythym gave it a nice flow.
~Carrie~

Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by gt on Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 06:08:18 PM AEST
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it could be just because I'm tired, but that was really moving. I like poems that stick to rhythm and rhyme, and both really work here. I like the jump from the scene at the end, it gives a sort of distant feel, as if you suddenly understand it all. Films do it sometimes.

Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by EmoDCgirl36 on Friday, 5th November 2004 @ 06:42:54 PM AEST
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You caught the emotion. Good job.

Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on Saturday, 6th November 2004 @ 07:05:54 AM AEST
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wow, powerful suicide write,

takecare,
pixie xx

Re: Suicidal Dream (User Rating: 1 )
by DamentedSuicide on Monday, 8th November 2004 @ 07:53:25 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

wow wonderful write
touching dark and upsetting
all at the same time

~~~Raven~~~

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