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Array ( [sid] => 69883 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Monday mornings warrent suicides. [time] => 2004-11-02 19:52:42 [hometext] => About the struggle to maintain control in a relationship, also the way mondays make me feel. It was a challenge to rhyme every other line...tell me what you think. [bodytext] => the sky is gray today, the night it fades
to greet the rain that quickly finds my face
and everything i see i see in shades
degrees of how far things are out of place
i've come so far to find that i am lost
i'm tied and gagged, a captive of my fear
the ransom comes with love too high a cost
you're drifting, taking all that i've held near.
you'll call me to make sure i'm still alive
my heart is barely beating--i'm alone
these sedatives i know i won't survive
you've filled me full of all that i condone.
hypocrisy is me and i will drown
my thoughts behind this final down and out
i'll slice through flesh and bleed till i break down
i'll flood the floor with all my sins and doubt. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 176 [topic] => 61 [informant] => liquidchaos [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

Monday mornings warrent suicides.

Contributed by liquidchaos on Tuesday, 2nd November 2004 @ 07:52:42 PM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

the sky is gray today, the night it fades
to greet the rain that quickly finds my face
and everything i see i see in shades
degrees of how far things are out of place
i've come so far to find that i am lost
i'm tied and gagged, a captive of my fear
the ransom comes with love too high a cost
you're drifting, taking all that i've held near.
you'll call me to make sure i'm still alive
my heart is barely beating--i'm alone
these sedatives i know i won't survive
you've filled me full of all that i condone.
hypocrisy is me and i will drown
my thoughts behind this final down and out
i'll slice through flesh and bleed till i break down
i'll flood the floor with all my sins and doubt.

Copyright © liquidchaos ... [ 2004-11-02 19:52:42]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Monday mornings warrent suicides. (User Rating: 1 )
by zenmind on Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 01:44:46 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i've come so far to find that i am lost

Great line. Very insightful.

this is the third poem of yours that I have read, and I've liked all of them. I think you have a natural talent.

Another thing, you said that it was hard for you to rhyme every other line. Well I would say, do not box yourself into any "structure" of writing, because that makes you hold back something that might come through, that might be surprising. Have you ever just started writing, saying whatever comes out, and then something happens? Something comes through that you didn't expect. It is the creative spark that is expressed through the writer, but not by the writer. It comes from another place. These are the most meaningful moments in writing for myself.

So in short, don't box yourself in.

Be true,
zenmind

Re: Monday mornings warrent suicides. (User Rating: 1 )
by LiquidChaos on Monday, 6th December 2004 @ 09:19:09 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

yeah actually i do that alot...only maybe half of my stuff is posted on here...but i havn't been around lately. i wasn't boxing myself in...i was just bored and wanted to see if i could make it fit...but i see what you're saying...thanks for the comment!

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