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Array
(
[sid] => 68676
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Hard Cell
[time] => 2004-10-24 14:08:58
[hometext] => ive recently read the book Hard Cell...i advise you to read it,it hits you how your childhood can effect your adult life
[bodytext] => i watch in terror as my dad beats my mum she has learnt to hold back the tears he now selects the weakest of my two brothers as iam the oldest, his taunts and violence dont have the same emotional effect as they have on my brothers me and vinnie watch as our brother is thrashed about,all because the few tears escaped his eyes my dad doesnt like the signs of weakness he is a real gangsta,the gipsy my dads lays into him heavily and my brother is slowly going under he throws him around and my brother runs for the caravan door bad mistake as i do not have feelings for any of my family iam only concerned nothing more i look out the frosted window my brother is laying in the snow my dad beats him with a metal pole he has found and drags him to the lake i turn away knowing what will be done my brother will be dunked under punishment for his weakness my dad carrys him back he is unconcious bleeding from his head badly my brother was only seven at the time my mother finally left him she had turned insane with this,monster,my dad i was took into a home after being sexually abused by my dad i was scared of the older men and found refuge with the women i felt safe there at home but its in this 'care' i found out that i was going to turn out like the monster the lads sometimes skitted me i didnt stand for their bull i won most fights as i found i was already stronger than them learning to defend myself anyway possible from my dad i was known as the cock the hard one i would bang anyone if it would get me a reputation at five i was the hardest in my care and at 13 i was hanging round with much older lads than me this lead to drinking and more violence,and the few stealings as i grew i become more known for my riots my fits of anger my mental health by 19 i was known as the most dangerous man in prison by then i had gone through so many prisons it was like a russ boredom but i felt at home the only home i knew actually as the years grew i saw some horrible sights but i learnt to deal with them i saw alot of murders involved in some myself there was alot of homicide and gay activities going on i was use to this at the homes some boys would cuddle up together maybe because they felt safe,or just need comforting the same reason hear or just the need to over power gang-rapes were common i never took part in these or homicide i wouldnt sink that low 10 years later..... years have passed and the blurs the gaps are mostly because of the drugs and the fights my life turned into gangsta all because of this monster that shared the same blood as me i turned out just like him i never hit women though i didnt stoop that absolute low but i was known as the most violent,mentally desturbed man in probaly the whole UK i made friends with most gangsters the hard boys the screws(i learnt to not hate them but to see the person past the uniform) i have come so far because i had the DR he helped me learn from my mistakes and to show my emotion(even though i will never be able to retrieve or give strong emotions,all except channeling them into anger) i wrote a book to show the world what a childhood can turn a troubled depressed lad into a criminal a bad boy a murderer and my life was just a cell and always will be a damn * hard cell [comments] => 1 [counter] => 151 [topic] => 48 [informant] => Hannah_Heaven [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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