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Array
(
[sid] => 68259
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Fed Up
[time] => 2004-10-20 17:55:50
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I’m so tired of everything I’m fed up with life itself Nothing ever goes my way Its like its impossible for me to achieve happiness Everyday I feel alone and saddened Feelings of acceptance and belonging plague me Hoping that being myself is enough and all I need But I can never convince myself that I always feel as though I could be better, I should be better Physically, emotionally, and psychologically I feel as though I’m just an object to guys, just another piece of ass I feel as though they don’t really see who I am as a person, and what I have to offer Instead I’m just another set of boobs, another name on their lists I feel as though my academic accomplishments will never be good enough I feel I will never be half as smart as my sister I feel as though I will not be successful, contrary to what I tell myself I feel so insecure with myself With my appearance and who I am I wonder if I will ever find someone who will love me back Will I ever be happy with myself and be able to look I the mirror and actually like what I see When I look in the mirror I see disappointment I see ugliness I see failure I see fat I see unworthiness I see reality! I’m not confident in myself I doubt myself with everything I do I never feel satisfied with myself and the things I do I feel everything I do isn’t good enough and never will be good enough I feel as though my talents and hobbies will never take me anywhere I’m slowly losing the things that made me once complete First, my grandfather died Then, I couldn’t play softball anymore, which was once my life My school achievements diminished in college, one thing that made school exciting wasn’t there anymore Then, I lost Justin, a huge piece of my heart and soul So what’s next? What else is left to take? My heart is just eroding away My friends and family are the two things that keep me here Who knows where I would be without them My parents, they mean everything to me, regardless of what I may say and do They accept me, support me, and love me unconditionally Jessica, we have our ups and downs but after 15 years were still together I don’t know who I would be today without her Desiree, she brings so much strength and understanding She’s always there when I need someone to listen Jen, I’ve known her about a year and in the last couple months we are like inseparable She’s such a wonderful person with so much to offer We clicked instantly and she’s always been there with an open ear and an open heart Without these people I don’t know who or where I would be today But that still doesn’t change what I think about myself I still see myself the same I still hate looking at myself in the mirror Maybe one day I will like what I see And be able to be confident with who I am and what I stand for But till then, the person you may see on the outside, is not the person on the inside I try to stand tall and be strong But deep down I just want to be me and be happy with that I try to hide my emotions Not let people see what’s going on But I shouldn’t be afraid To let the real me show through! [comments] => 1 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 48 [informant] => fastpitchqt [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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