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Array
(
[sid] => 66722
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Pain on Paper...and so it begins...
[time] => 2004-10-09 15:27:09
[hometext] => a way for me to start letting go!! i would appreciate of you read it
[bodytext] => i got so much pain bent up inside me i ain't got nothin good to say i wish i could hold on to one more dream but they all went away Got so much hurt in my heart i try so hard not to feel Can't even turn to God now, cause i forgot that he was real Can't remember the last time i ain't hear my parents fight with so much hate in this house, got me searching for some light or some love, that i ain't never seen since i was born 16 years of bein caught in this, but no one can see that im torn can't even rhyme scheme this perfect, seriously, im so angry im sad cause the way i live is unlivable and the air i breath wreaks of bad self esteem too many years spent of tryna look up to my mom and daddy the same people that helped to bring me down can't remember that last time my dad was here the whole day around and my moms looks to me to take his place but i seem to always do wrong cause im the mistake... from the time i could talk ive kept things to myself and anytime i wanted to express a part of me i feel shut down.... i been writin for more than 10 years and my parents just found out cause there's work, and stress, and work and mom with her secret male friends and dad with his mistress they don't know that i know this... but i know everything and i keep it inside me when my mom was pregnant with my brother and told me she ain't want me and there's so much more...so much more that if i don't let go i'll go crazy.. i've kept everything in my heart and still after these years it won't let me be But i love my mom so much and i love my dad and i love my family but im hatin the kind of relationship we have it's like im searching for some kind of reciprocity for love that's been shattered while i was on bent knees cause that's the kind of boost up i thought i should need right now, can't even cry normally kinda cry like im dyin and my face has grown used to my tears that when im cryin don't nothin seem to be there but i ain't livin especially since ive been selfishly stricken with this urge to write the locked up part of me i know that others have it much much worse like those still in the struggle to be free but really i can't notice that when it' my issues first that i see i could ask you to pray for me but i won't cause with God and everything i don't know what to believe [comments] => 4 [counter] => 141 [topic] => 48 [informant] => TheSoulChildWritten [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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