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Array
(
[sid] => 65517
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Reflection
[time] => 2004-09-28 22:25:21
[hometext] => I read a poem just a few moments ago and this came about..
[bodytext] => I see my image reflected in the bathroom mirror and ask, " who is this" My God, what have I become?" Inarticulate tears, form in my blood shot eyes. Once they sparkled with bright green mischief, now they are muddy like a dirty river. The puffy skin around them, and the dark circles surrounding them makes me look old and beaten by life. The once lustrous, coppery red hair that was my pride and joy is lifeless and drab. Uncombed, and unkempt. What would Robert say? Something appropriate If he even recognized me. I barely recognized myself. The weight gain..Good God. No..It wasn't HIM. If it was, there's nothing good about him. How can sadness make me hungry? I don't get that... I don't get that at all. Perhaps if I were inclined to excercise more. I am inclined..no that's REclined. I've climbed down into this depression and allowed myself to get fat and comfortable. Even let my nails go.. my legs are ..well shave 'em or braid em. All because of a man..and low self esteem. Laugh, go ahead; look at yourself and laugh. Everyone else will. Send in the clowns? Send in the clowns? We already have one. Look At Yourself. Q: How many elephants can you get in a Volkswagon? A: None if you're in there. yes, by all means cry some more you stupid *****. That helps. Easier than diet or excercise or picking up a comb. You had some fight in you once..where did it go? It had to make room for cookies and... It isn't funny any more. I make fun of myself.. laugh as I think others do. It doesn't hurt nearly as much when it comes from me. I'm caught in a vortex of self-hate and I loathe it and loathe me. I sit down and retch into the toilet..sobbing until I retch..dry heaves. My shoulders hurt, from the wracking sobs. I can't stop whatever the cycle is. I was really taking care of my self for you. I had a reason then. You left and took away my reason. You took away my reason for everything..but eating. God I want to die. One thing's for sure I won't starve. ©free2you2004 [comments] => 4 [counter] => 144 [topic] => 61 [informant] => free2you [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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