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Array
(
[sid] => 64621
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Endless Loathing...
[time] => 2004-09-21 14:57:12
[hometext] => Guess who this one is dedicated too?
[bodytext] => I cannot bear the pain inside, This life of mine is too much to handle... My friends have vanished, Seeming to leave me when I'm in need... Alone, a disgrace, a freak... Not wanted, wretched, revolting girl... I was born only to relieve others of their anger, their malignance, their hate... Take a good **** on me... Tears, the song of past rains... Blood, beautiful essence that flows from me... Tonight, when memories run like threads through the city of my mind, I think of you... How can I not? You're always there, A splinter in the mind, A thorn in the heart... Drowning under you waves of masochistic words, Wanting to take a breath, Dying ever so slowly inside... You claim you do this for the best of me... Have you ever considered that I may know what's the best for myself? Has it ever crossed your perverted mind that I could make my own decisions? No, because I'm too naive and young to know anything about the anguishes of life and love... Au contraire, père de la maladie, I know many things about the pains of life/love... You, my endless loathing, my disease of a father, Have taught me this... My mind, once clear and pure, Now cluttered with thoughts of death, sinful desire, and an unbearable yearning to destroy you... You say you understand what I'm going through... You don't know NOTHING of what I'm going through!! Why do you persist in trying to comprehend these feelings I have towards you? What makes you more determined to feign your concern for me? Do you feel pity for someone so beneath you like me? Don't feel sympathy! (Because I know it's fake) Don't shed those poisonous tears! (Because I know you don't regret what you did) Tear my heart again, Make me more worthless than I already am... God, how I despise you!! "You squealed, *****! I'll kill you!!" A searing SLAP... Your iron fists strike me again, Until I am defeated, broken, lying motionless... Glass-eyed and barely alive, I drift back into my corrupted mind, My palace of morbidity, And try to find a place where Happiness reigns eternally... No luck in that... You'r the victor once more... A smile of truimph masks your hideous face, Piercing hazel eyes that I trusted, now glimmering with insane satisfaction, As they linger on my batered body... "God, you're beautiful..." You leave me in the dark, Only the incessant Tip-Tapping of rain to console me... Suffering in silence, Decaying inside... How I long to feel your life slip in my hands, Me strangling you, taking every breath, Relishing my reflection in your wide eyes... Your last memory in life is my image, A tear of happiness, Then all goes black... But I am driven out of my blissful reverie, Thrown back into this ruthless sea of Reality... That will never come to be, I will always be your slave... And yet, the very thought keeps me going, Makes me strive harder for my goal... Your end, and my new beginning... A life without you... [comments] => 5 [counter] => 146 [topic] => 13 [informant] => FleurdeSang [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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