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Array
(
[sid] => 64541
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Forgiveness and Forgiving
[time] => 2004-09-20 22:42:34
[hometext] => Just some brain farts...not really my style but hey....what can I say constructive criticism always welcome
[bodytext] => I can't put into words how badly I want forgiveness but then again I think if I were them would I be so forgiving??? I sometimes think selfishly because although I hurt the ones that do love me they also have to understand I hurt myself the most When I think I pushed them all away willingly, knowingly, selfishly, relentlessly, hatefully, my emotions but a ghost I could go on, ................but to get to the point My heart was not a part of my life it was shattered, broken my heart hurt. It would not let in anyone that cared because of fear of being mutilated beyond repair. I don''t know just letting some things out bear with me here. Now that the people I once thought gave up on me proved me wrong and do love me I am consumed with fear The fear of failing them or not living up to their expectations has got me in complete and utter frustration. Sometimes failure seems easier because if I come out of this rut and succeed is anyone going to believe me or will they think she is once again decieving. TAJ [comments] => 3 [counter] => 187 [topic] => 61 [informant] => lovesucks [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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