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Array ( [sid] => 63942 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Black Sheep [time] => 2004-09-16 06:20:24 [hometext] => An assignment for my Creative Writing class: Write a poem about or from the voice of someone who has been cast out or who has voluntarily left the social group/family. [bodytext] => The black sheep grazes in the fields in the night
Drifting alone in his mis'rable plight

The black sheep bleats when there's no one around
Acquiring taste for the roots beneath the ground

The black sheep lurks in the shadow of the day
Paying no mind to the other sheep at play

The black sheep runs when the shearer wants his wool
Though at times when he dreams he'll bite it and he'll pull

The black sheep wanders to the forest one late night
Drifing alone in his mis'rable plight

The black sheep meets a wolf with a menacing stare
And stares straight back and there's anger in the air

The black sheep bleats and the wolf lets out a howl
That puts the sheep in awe as he'd expected a growl

The black sheep sees that the wolf is jet black too
And a raven caw-caws as the clock goes cuc-koo [comments] => 5 [counter] => 229 [topic] => 43 [informant] => liquidsunshine [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Black Sheep

Contributed by liquidsunshine on Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 06:20:24 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

The black sheep grazes in the fields in the night
Drifting alone in his mis'rable plight

The black sheep bleats when there's no one around
Acquiring taste for the roots beneath the ground

The black sheep lurks in the shadow of the day
Paying no mind to the other sheep at play

The black sheep runs when the shearer wants his wool
Though at times when he dreams he'll bite it and he'll pull

The black sheep wanders to the forest one late night
Drifing alone in his mis'rable plight

The black sheep meets a wolf with a menacing stare
And stares straight back and there's anger in the air

The black sheep bleats and the wolf lets out a howl
That puts the sheep in awe as he'd expected a growl

The black sheep sees that the wolf is jet black too
And a raven caw-caws as the clock goes cuc-koo

Copyright © liquidsunshine ... [ 2004-09-16 06:20:24]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Black Sheep (User Rating: 1 )
by inoc on Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 08:05:13 AM AEST
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I enjoyed this very much
well done
cheers!

Re: Black Sheep (User Rating: 1 )
by lifefliesby on Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 05:13:43 PM AEST
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another poem I never commented in person on
I like it
whenever I try to write like this, it doesn't come out as emotional, clear, or all around as good
keep it up... I love ur style and I love you
Jared

Re: Black Sheep (User Rating: 1 )
by afterdark on Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 09:14:33 PM AEST
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Good poem here..I really liked it.

AfterDark..

Re: Black Sheep (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Thursday, 16th September 2004 @ 10:54:46 PM AEST
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great style, flow and content, very delightful to read:) hugs n' love nessa

@->>->:-

Re: Black Sheep (User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on Friday, 5th August 2005 @ 04:32:01 PM AEST
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Overall I liked the style and presentation of this write, but felt a couple bumps along the way that agitated the flow a wee bit...(Who loves the two opening lines btw) Okay; the fourth line...a comma after 'roots' would've smoothed it out more...Also this line;

"The black sheep wanders to the forest one late night..."

I personally think would've sounded better switching the places of 'one' and 'late'.

Then the last two lines I think kind of throws off an otherwise creative write...The 'expected a growl' line could've been a good ending I think...I did enjoy this poem though, and you have progressed remarkably well in the past year!!
Very nicely done: )

Scorp.
(Who would not be embarrassed in the least to be able to call this write her own)

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