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Array
(
[sid] => 61887
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => THE DYSFUNCTIONAL RETARD CONVENTION
[time] => 2004-08-30 08:17:38
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Bush and his dysfunctional family Are turning up to squawk You can hardly call them speeches As they can hardly talk Chief of the squawkers is Bush Well coached to nod and stare Watch him pause to get the words right Sadly there's no brain there Let’s look at the rep of this man Who failed to find bin Laden in Afghanistan A man who lied about weapons in Iraq Who killed twenty thousand in that attack This is a man who can’t be trusted If he had a conscience it’s now well rusted With a brain so shallow he can hardly speak He didn’t serve in ‘Nam, too weak Here is a man who built an enormous debt For Americans to pay and the world to regret Saying no to Kyoto and to the World Court With as much sense as a brain-dead goat A clown for a president has this noble land Surely now the people will make a demand For someone with sense to take his place And the world see no more of his stupid face “Yee-Ha” is NOT a foreign policy With “Four More Wars!” and acts of lunacy Re-elect Bush and de-select sanity His every word another inanity So they gather this hateful bunch A Hunchback of Notre Dame without a hunch A peurile president without a clue With his chimplike face and brain askew What hope does America really have? With an imbecile illiterate now in charge? Send him to the ranch where he belongs To pick his nose and sing dumb songs Such a man is a joke and nothing more No wonder his audiences either laugh or snore He is not fit to preside in the U.S. of A. Now's the time for a BETTER day! --O?-- The following poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush. Make the Pie Higher I think we all agree, the past is over. This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen And uncertainty And potential mental losses. Rarely is the question asked Is our children learning? Will the highways of the internet Become more few? How many hands have I shaked? They misunderestimate me. I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity. I know that the human being and the fish Can coexist. Families is where our nation finds hope Where our wings take dream. Put food on your family! Knock down the tollbooth! Vulcanize society! Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher! --O?-- Tentative Schedule of Highlights of the Republican National Convention New York, August 29-September 2, 2004 Catering Service: Halliburton • Chauffeur Service: Blackwater Opening Night 8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Rush Limbaugh 8:15 pm Blessing of the Republican Party and Curse on Satanic Democrats, Reverend Franklin Graham 8:30 pm Keynote Address, Ahmed Chalabi 9:30 pm Benediction and Call to Holy War, General William Boykin Second Night 8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Judge Charles Pickering 8:15 pm Pledge of Allegiance and Anointment with Crisco Oil, Attorney General John Ashcroft 8:30 pm Quadrennial Compassionate Conservatism Musical Offering of Minstrel Songs and Cakewalk 9:00 pm Speech, Condoleezza Rice 9:30 pm Speech, Colin Powell, cancelled 9:30 pm Video Tribute, Strom Thurmond 10:00 pm Presentation of Party Platform and No-Bid Contracts: Ahmed Chalabi Third Night 8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors, Tom DeLay 8:15 pm Bush Family Tribute: Neil Bush on Family Values Marvin Bush on Saudi Investment Opportunities for Family Members Jeb Bush on Fair Drug Sentencing Guidelines and Election Laws for Family Members 9:00 pm Nomination speech for George W. Bush, Ahmed Chalabi 9:30 pm Seconding speech, Brent Scowcroft, cancelled 9:35 pm Seconding speech, Paul O'Neill, cancelled 9:40 pm Seconding speech, Christie Todd Whitman, cancelled 10:00 pm Roll call of the states and counting of votes, Antonin Scalia Closing Night 8:00 pm Presentation of the Confederate Colors Karl Rove 8:15 pm Incantation from the Platform to Open Witchcraft Trial of 9/11 Widows at Ground Zero: Richard Perle, William Kristol, Scooter Libby, Paul Wolfowitz 9:00 pm Acceptance Speech of Presidential Nominee (Joint Appearance, Not Under Oath): George W. Bush and Dick Cheney 9:30 pm Acceptance Speech of Nominee (Iraq): Ahmed Chalabi 10:00 pm Closing Prayer, Last Round and Final Bet, William Bennett --O?-- 'The Republicans are in town and they're going to be in town doing two things — slander John Kerry and try to get laid. ' —David Letterman 'Now that the Democratic convention is over, the Republicans are getting ready for theirs. Their slogan for Bush: Four more wars, four more wars!' —Jay Leno 'The Republican Convention is coming to town. It's coming up at the end of the month. Everyone is getting ready for the convention. The crack dealers are switching to Viagra.' —David Letterman 'How many of you folks watched the Democratic convention? It's over and now the Republicans have just one month to become ethnically diverse.' —David Letterman 'At the convention John Kerry showed up with all his Vietnam crewmates. And not to be outdone, next month at the Republican Convention George W. Bush is going to show up with all his college drinking buddies.' —David Letterman 'Security's going to be tight at the Republican convention. You'll be frisked, patted down, you'll be groped — and that's just by Arnold' —David Letterman 'Arnold Schwarzenegger will probably be the keynote speaker at the Republican National Convention, which is very smart, because after Schwarzenegger speaks, Bush's English won't sound so bad.' —Jay Leno 'You know about the cicadas, right? They come to New York City once every 17 years to have sex. No wait, that's the Republican convention.' —David Letterman 'The Republican National Convention is coming up at the end of August here in New York City. Here's what's happening. Hundreds of strippers and hookers from all over the world are coming to New York City for the Republican National Convention. Well President Bush said he was going to create jobs, so that's pretty good.' —David Letterman --O?-- How the Bush Administration Changes a Light Bulb How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb? Are you ready for this? The Answer is SEVEN: (1) one to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced; (2) one to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb; (3) one to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb; (4) one to arrange the invasion of a country rumoured to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs; (5) one to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton Industries one million dollars for a light bulb; (6) one to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag; (7) and finally one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 280 [topic] => 41 [informant] => steeleyes [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => political )
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