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Array
(
[sid] => 61340
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => DEAR DOGGY GOD
[time] => 2004-08-25 09:26:05
[hometext] => If there really is a Doggy Heaven.....is this what it will be like up there?
[bodytext] => "DEAR "DOGGY GOD!" When I get to your"Doggy Heaven," will I have to put up with this? Why is it humans smell flowers? We smell each other's..... seldom miss! When we get to your place on high, can we sleep on your couch? Or like down here, the floor to get our "shut eye?"  It's such an insult here on earth, car's name..... They call them everything--give dogs no fame! Why can't they call them the Chrysler Beagle? Maybe the lovely name of Lassie the "Lovely Bestial?"  We dogs can understand human verbal instructions-- Hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, we're not chickens! We can scent ID's electromagnetic energy fields. We've even accomplished Frisbee Flight paths, playing baseball, good back fields!  Tell me please Dear Doggy God if you can? What do our humans understand? Can they understand the mailman or the garbage man? Who was the human that invented our dry food diet? 'Tis like eating rocks with paper, do you serve an occasional omelette, meatballs with less spaghetti buffet?  When I get to the Pearly Gates, what rules must I follow? 1. You mean I have to apologize to all your mailmen macho? 2. I can't eat cat's food up there, even after they throw it up? 3. You have vets up there--do I still have to go for checkups?  4. I can't roll in dead seagulls, fish, crabs, skunks etc....... but they smell like "HallMark!" 5. You won't have any garbage collectors! I can't bark? but that's my trademark!!! 6. No policeman on duty, how can I bite their hand, when they reach for my human's license? 7. In heaven I have to excercise patience?  8. You mean to tell me you have no toilets? Then how can I play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear while he's seated upon his throne? 9. You don't say? No crotches either? It's not acceptable? Then where's my smelling zone? 10. I can't believe you haven't a coffee table in Heaven! 11. So that means I can stand straight up, and not spill everyone's luncheon?  12. You have no rain? So now I don't have to worry about shaking my fur inside the house? 13. And I can throw up, and not ruin the car--'cause you haven't any cars, nor warehouse? 14. No company either? I can sit in the livingroom and lick my crotch? 15. You are so kind Doggy God, I even get my testicles back so I can again play hopscotch?  Tell me please how I can get to Heaven without a dying debauch? Created by LovingCritters ConSue August 23, 2004 This was an email...... The poem is mine.  P.S. Dear Doggy God just one more thing------ When I get up there, can I still do this? ![](http://lovingcritters.smugmug.com/photos/7725809-M.gif") *Relieving Smiles!* [comments] => 7 [counter] => 161 [topic] => 7 [informant] => lovingcritters [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => HumorPoetry )
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