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Array
(
[sid] => 60420
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Leaving Behind My False Life
[time] => 2004-08-17 07:46:28
[hometext] => I can't go on living like I am right now....
[bodytext] => A hunderd papers
Lie crumpled on the floor,
All the thoughts I had
That never revealed
My true feelings.
All the things I said
Were unintentional lies.
I never felt any of that.
I was only filling the pages
Of my journal
With false confessions
Unwilling to unveil
My raw emotions,
My true self,
The side of me
That has been hidden
For all this time.
Now I'm taking off
The costume,
I'm peeling off
The mask.
This is who I am,
This is who I have been,
This is what I will be,
This is what I have hidden.
I am ashamed,
Shocked
At what's been revealed.
And as I look at the remains
Of what I should have been,
I know I have to change.
I can't just pretend
To be what I'm not,
I can't live a false life.
I need to become
What I'm supposed to be
And I need to change
Into a new person.
[comments] => 10
[counter] => 513
[topic] => 43
[informant] => hooray_its_jen
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 23
[ratings] => 5
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => oops
)
Leaving Behind My False Life
Contributed by
hooray_its_jen
on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 07:46:28 AM in AEST
Topic:
oops
|
A hunderd papers
Lie crumpled on the floor,
All the thoughts I had
That never revealed
My true feelings.
All the things I said
Were unintentional lies.
I never felt any of that.
I was only filling the pages
Of my journal
With false confessions
Unwilling to unveil
My raw emotions,
My true self,
The side of me
That has been hidden
For all this time.
Now I'm taking off
The costume,
I'm peeling off
The mask.
This is who I am,
This is who I have been,
This is what I will be,
This is what I have hidden.
I am ashamed,
Shocked
At what's been revealed.
And as I look at the remains
Of what I should have been,
I know I have to change.
I can't just pretend
To be what I'm not,
I can't live a false life.
I need to become
What I'm supposed to be
And I need to change
Into a new person.
Copyright ©
hooray_its_jen
... [
2004-08-17 07:46:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by pastiche247 on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 08:15:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I really liked this... The opening lines were catchy - made me want to read more. There were some fine truths discovered - "unintentional lies"; "only filling the pages
Of my journal
With false confessions"; and my favourite: "I am ashamed,
At what's been revealed."
A cold, clear look at oneself is always hard, sometimes impossible - but to reveal it like this takes bravery.
Thanks!
Best,
p
ps - i think hundred has been misspelt... |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 08:30:12 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
WOAH! So many people have taken this step, but it's not one taken easily and certainly not for the faint hearted. BRAVO to you for describing that transformation and
the rawness of seeing the truth for the first time with such finesse.
Stitch |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 08:46:46 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
It sounds like less of a false life than an unrevealed life....if all one's self-confessions have been false and inaccurate, how does one judge if the current ones are of a real truth?
A very well-worded and thought-provoking read. |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Solnubis on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:24:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
| I like how this was written and could relate 100 0/0 to it. |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Kindredblood_dragon on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:40:48 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
I know how you feel, I wish i could change my life, into a new person.
Some things are never ment to be.
Very emotional poem. clear heartfelt images, so much sorrow, you did an awesome job composing this poem, keep it up.
Take Care
KinDragon |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:47:10 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I understand this and enjoyed your expression immensely. You are right, and brave, and sometimes, we never see that truth to ourselves, being so busy in our costumes.
Nice work |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by pixie on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 09:55:50 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
it's good that you have realised before it is too late that you cant go on like this, *hugs* it wont be easy to leave it behind, but I know you will and can do it, slowly but surely you will make it to where you want to be.....
takecare,
pixie xx
great write btw |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 17th August 2004 @ 10:25:03 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Good luck in your endeavor, Jenna. It is not an easy task searching for our true selves.
Hugs,
Rita |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Monday, 23rd August 2004 @ 07:56:09 AM AEST
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a Message)
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a new person!..so that is your real self..
I appreciate this..sincerely.. venkat |
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Re: Leaving Behind My False Life
(User Rating: 1 )
by Psyche on
Tuesday, 28th September 2004 @ 03:11:33 PM AEST
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These are some of the most penetrating lines of this post, (IMHO)
"....unintentional lies."
"....filling the pages of my journal with false confessions"
"....peeling off the mask."
"....I look at the remains of what I should have been..."
When I read your poetry, I read/feel a communicator who takes full responsibility for/owns her emotions.
When I read this one in particular, I see all these responsible "I's" and "am’s" that are positive for interpersonal communication, but at the same time - seem out of place with the experience you describe here. I love especially "as I look at the remains of what should have been." Because you separate yourself from the image you were projecting as you, acknowledging their disparate realities.
You say you are "ashamed, shocked at what's been revealed." And your ability to draw me into the circumstances left me to wonder if you were shocked at the reflection you were left with, OR at the realization that this wasn’t you anyway. If it is the former, why? What did it look/feel like? If it is the latter, what IS left? What will/does this "newness" look like?
I realize I am a better (and more prolific!) critic than writer, but I can only seem to comment thoughtfully on those postings that draw me in, that feel and say a great deal...so unless I have specifically stated otherwise (and I do upon occasion) please consider these musings a complement.... (hmm.. perhaps I should make that my tag line) |
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