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Array
(
[sid] => 60095
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => To Be Determined By You
[time] => 2004-08-14 07:54:39
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Why do I determine who I am by what your opinion is of me? Why do I long for you to accept me for who I am? Why do I expect you to understand me? What makes me think that you will listen to what I have to say when you haven’t in the past. Yes you gave me many material things and for that I Thank you. However what I was looking for was for me to know that you loved me for the person I was. I needed to know that you believed in me. That I had the skills I needed to grow up with. I wanted you to know that I loved you but I didn’t feel that from you. Yes you gave me food, shelter, clothing, in which I am very grateful for and feel I have showed you this through out my life. However at times I felt you wanted more from me or was it that, I wanted more from you? I just wanted to know that you my mother loved me because you did; not because you had to. I wanted to be able to communicate with you but never felt that in my heart. I don’t comprehend why I have always felt this way towards you. I have never felt that compassion and guidance that every child expects from their mother. Sometimes I want to tell you I’m scared to face life and afraid to die. But I just don’t see you as a person who is capable of giving me what I need from a mother. I think you have tried but it was just not there to give. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 61 [informant] => solnubis [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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