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Array
(
[sid] => 57343
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => mum?
[time] => 2004-07-23 18:32:25
[hometext] => i know your here,but i feel somewhat distanced from you.....
[bodytext] => you held me in your arms you said 'i was the most beautiful gift' but did you really i cant remember there is no pictures there is no proven love and as a child i blanked the fact you never held my hand across the road you never hugged me when i cried silently at night kissed my cheek as my frozen tears struck my skin i dont even know if your my mum you dont look like me i know thats daft i know im silly but really i dont think i was ment to be a child from your womb couldnt you of cut me out aborted me from life but maybe its best this way i dont know how will i ever know my dad has gone now he ignored me too ignored my sobs in the corner my screams in the night i was always the little ***** yes that was my name and i can never remember being in contact talking without angry words well,we never talked just sat as drones watching the bleakness of life pass us by i felt like was invisible sitting back and letting you two live and me be outcast you couldnt be bothered with me i was left neglected i cried so much my eyes stung and every tear cost my heart a painful stab my nanna and granddad were there they never knew how i felt i put on happy smiles and always was polite i even was lucky to meet and love my great nanna and grandad i laughed they brought happiness to each moment somethimes i regret i didnt want to see them but i was only a child and i miss them darely they broke my heart and there is always a gap for them and now my mum she taught me not to love men are all the same useless they only want one thing there is no such thing as mr. right so i hated men before i loved them which i doubt i ever will my heart falls and hits the bottom of my stomach quenched in its own darkness and miss-fortune i pity for any man that meets me or ever to fall in love i drove the rest mad with my painless abuse i hated myself and they got put off too many problems i let lose holding me up bottled inside of me i wasnt ready to become a women i was trying to fix my childhood and live through a childs eyes before my fantasys and dreams got smushed by her i got woke up too quick and brought to reality unready i wanted it like sleeping beauty my love happy waking me up instead it was out of anger and pain i hit reality and stress i suffered from attemps at a child abuse to myself i prayed every night to die in my sleep and he never granted that so i killed my soul and gave up on him like i gave up on everyone else myself and the world my life died before i was ready i destroid what was left before the darkness took me and it was all because of her that i felt cold and unloved my sins my hate my scarred soul...whats left of it lingers on and it is the only light left flickering as the darkness is surrounding me i need you now if not then now please hold my hand hug me tight kiss me goodnight mum? [comments] => 4 [counter] => 157 [topic] => 32 [informant] => Hannah_Heaven [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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