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Array ( [sid] => 55966 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Eternally Empty [time] => 2004-07-13 10:02:34 [hometext] => Anger at myself- at truth itself. Types of metaphors and in/complete rhymes are completely intentional; read between the lines. [bodytext] => I am an empty promise
A rosebud never to bloom
The cheek turned askance from a kiss
A shadow in a well-lit room.

The chill in otherwise warm weather
A pause in the heartbeat of a child
The break in the pattern of forever
A predator where life should be mild.

The symptoms of death before it strikes
A climactic page torn from a book
The run in a dancer's only pair of tights
A system ruined due to a chance it took.

The faulty step a blind man takes
A distraction in a moment of bliss
The last thrust a warrior makes

I am an empty promise. [comments] => 8 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 6 [informant] => Eve [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 24 [ratings] => 5 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )

Eternally Empty

Contributed by Eve on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 10:02:34 AM in AEST
Topic: AngryPoetry

I am an empty promise
A rosebud never to bloom
The cheek turned askance from a kiss
A shadow in a well-lit room.

The chill in otherwise warm weather
A pause in the heartbeat of a child
The break in the pattern of forever
A predator where life should be mild.

The symptoms of death before it strikes
A climactic page torn from a book
The run in a dancer's only pair of tights
A system ruined due to a chance it took.

The faulty step a blind man takes
A distraction in a moment of bliss
The last thrust a warrior makes

I am an empty promise.

Copyright © Eve ... [ 2004-07-13 10:02:34]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by DragonLuvSong on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 10:11:32 AM AEST
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this poem is really intense, when you read it you feel it inside you. I am not sure what it all means- i guess that is for you. mostly, we only write poetry for ourselves, the thoughts we don't want to forget; but we also don't want to carry them around anymore.

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by frohemiasweetie on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 10:25:39 AM AEST
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beautiful, very enjoyable

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by _Raspberry_ on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 10:45:26 AM AEST
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This is a great write... All of these things are very much an empty promise, this is a beautiful poem, and I think that it is the PERFECT description of how an empty promise can affect those it's made to. Beautiful!!

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by Vitreous_Soul on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 02:57:49 PM AEST
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"I am an empty promise"... In my honest opinion, that line should be quoted for years to come. Of course the poem is extremely well written--i've grown accustomed to seeing that from you consistently. Rhyme is always solid, and the metaphors are outstandingly creative (especially "The cheek turned askance from a kiss") and deep on many levels.

Actually, I could probably quote the whole damn thing. Eve, you never cease to amaze me; just when I don't think you could possibly be any better, you floor me with something like this.

Keep writing or get crushed by a sumo wrestler,
-V.S.

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 03:45:14 PM AEST
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Grr. There are so many good metaphors that are twisted intentionally here, that it makes me feel your anger, via the anti-climax penned like an 'empty promise'. Clever.

Very clever - and effective.

'Another poetess I admire is . . .'

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by Rissa on Tuesday, 13th July 2004 @ 06:33:22 PM AEST
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Imagery is perhaps one of the best ways to relate both to the reader and to put your own thoughts into perspective.

I'm seeing this as an expression of irony and frustration, though chances are I'm wrong (you should good and well know, Eveh, that I'm wrong more often than I'm right ^^). And that makes it all the more intriguing.

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by Archie on Wednesday, 14th July 2004 @ 06:27:13 PM AEST
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This is a good poem. I like the very strong words and the comparison to death

Re: Eternally Empty (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Saturday, 17th July 2004 @ 02:17:19 AM AEST
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This is an awesome piece. The metaphors are vivid, and the poem is compelling. Bravo!
Andrew

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