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Array ( [sid] => 55122 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Amoral [time] => 2004-07-07 03:27:31 [hometext] => This is my first crack at poetry. Please give me your honest opinnion love or hate. I think it sounds like i tried too hard but please give me your view. [bodytext] => Childish traditions unhindered by the threat of provoking thought
Sterile dreams of repitious grey monotonre
Broken philosophies due to constant let down and shifting lenses of view
Moods with no conseqeunce of feelings past and future
And ethics knowing only forgivness not karma
Besides bussiness is bussines
And thinkers are maryters [comments] => 4 [counter] => 253 [topic] => 21 [informant] => LOSTinU [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

Amoral

Contributed by LOSTinU on Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 03:27:31 AM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

Childish traditions unhindered by the threat of provoking thought
Sterile dreams of repitious grey monotonre
Broken philosophies due to constant let down and shifting lenses of view
Moods with no conseqeunce of feelings past and future
And ethics knowing only forgivness not karma
Besides bussiness is bussines
And thinkers are maryters

Copyright © LOSTinU ... [ 2004-07-07 03:27:31]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Amoral (User Rating: 1 )
by grip-wth-broken-fingers on Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 03:51:48 AM AEST
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interestinngg choice of words i like it its like steps i guess shows you how life is i like it good poem xgripx

Re: Amoral (User Rating: 1 )
by mountainhigh on Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 04:45:52 AM AEST
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I liked it, but you need to read it one last time before posting. The meaning is very strong. The spelling needs correction.

A very good poem.

Thanks for sharing.

Re: Amoral (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 05:21:19 AM AEST
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Wow, i like this.
Its does have a good message.
But you do need to look at the spelling a little.
Good write.
And welcome.
*hugs* Phil xxx

Re: Amoral (User Rating: 1 )
by Stoney1 on Wednesday, 7th July 2004 @ 05:51:54 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

ok, ...let me give you my impressions as I read your poem.

First of all, it fails to engage me. There is no hook.

Secondly, it is very vague in its message. Now don't get me
wrong, it's ok to be vague by design in a poem and make the
reader dig for its meaning, but vagueness due to fuzzy thinking
is not good.

Finally, there were a number of spelling errors. Now, we're all guilty
of typos and errors occasionally, but the webmaster has thoughtfully
provided a handy little 'preview' button to give us the opportunity to
catch these before we actually post the poem.*g*

I've attempted an edit to try and decipher what it was you
were saying. I think I've captured the gist of it.

By the way, great topic!

We are bound in childish traditions
unhindered by the threat of provoking
any meaningful thought,
Our sterile dreams are generated
in repetitous grey monotones,
Our philosophies are broken
due to the constant let-down
under a shifting lense,
Thus, our moods are of no consequence
and we have no strong feelings
about our past or future,
We tend to apply the ethics of forgiveness
because, after all
Business is business,
And the few thinkers remaining
are martyrs splayed out upon its alter

Stoney

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