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Array
(
[sid] => 53704
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Funeral
[time] => 2004-06-25 19:01:03
[hometext] => This is something I wrote when I was falling apart, not that things have changed all that much and as far as the sippy cup goes I collect them and want to be buried with them, but here it goes.
[bodytext] => I look around and they're all dressed in black. I sense the caring they all lack. I look into their eyes to see nobody crying. Internally I'm peeling, internally I'm dying. I look six feet down and realize it was I who died. They told me they cared it turns out they all lied. I peer at myself to see my wrist all bandaged up. I guess somebody listened cuz I see my sippy cup. It's buried with me along with my rainbow flag. I guess my parents told their secret, told them I was a fag. I went before the angels could call me back. I guess I should have cut myself some slack. But it turns out that I cut in another place. My eyes are shut tight , and I look at a peaceful face. My cries weren't loud enough to hear. As I Iook at myself that becomes crystal clear. But nobody can save me from myself. Because my soul was in too poor of health. Maybe things would be different if I was needed. But perhaps I'm being selfish and conceited . Willl I be favored in God's eyes? Or will he turn me away with hate and despise. I know I shouldn't have done it . But I fell into a very dark pit. Will the living ever forgive me? I guess I will have to wait for their deaths to see. In reality I'm the only one to blame. I just didn't see life the same. It hurts me to know that they didn't care. And my pain was just too much to bare. They couldn't have known what I felt. With the life I have been dealt. Did I think I wouldn't die that time? Why was I so desperate so incredibly blind? If I could change I know I would. If only I felt differently I know I could. If only I had a magical wand. But without me life still goes on. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 174 [topic] => 32 [informant] => rainbowtearz [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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