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Array
(
[sid] => 53470
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Today.
[time] => 2004-06-24 05:10:39
[hometext] => This one was wriiten about 3:25 am in the morning (the day after it hapened), but i'd just woken up again, and it felt like it was still that day, even though it was the next day. this happened while i was in hospital...
[bodytext] => Today’s been a hard day. Today’s been a painful day. Today’s been a stressful day. Today’s thoughts/emotions won’t go away! Today, I didn’t want to go home. ‘Coz I knew I’d just be on my own. Mum would be around, And most of my family too, But the truth, Was I just knew, I’d just slit my wrists, In my room. So I had all these people telling me, To ring up my mum. To tell her, to come pick me up. But it wasn’t long after, I ran away!! ONLY MY TOOL WEREN’T SHARP ENOUGH, For me to die away. So here I sit to write this at 3:30 in the morning, I’m NOT going to sleep, ‘Coz my nightmares are turning frightening. But did sleep around 8, It’s not like I ain’t. ‘Coz before I was given some medication, To stop my head from pounding, And to calm away my distressed sensation, And my frustration. Mmm, when they found me, I had slit wrists, And was lying at the bottom of some stairs. I was only missing 2 hours. I’m still quite hazy, Aware, Of how I got there. I do remember cutting, And remember sitting on the stairs. And people walking past me, Just like they didn’t care. Then some ambulance men saw me, Even stayed round the car park in front for a while. Then finally they drove off, I was pleased- I didn’t want to be found! I was really, really scared, And really, really cold. I lay on my side shaking, Wishing I’d ended it all. I was found by some “out-patients”, Who were quick to call a nurse. They were just talking echoes, “Can you hear me?” I think I then heard. Loads of nurses surrounded me, I lay shaking with fear, I remember they thought I was fitting, But still asked if I had pain any where. Someone was rubbing my arm for a bit, I think they said it would all be o.k. I think those, echoes made sense. I had a headache, and my wrists were in pain!! Apart from that, I think, I was hearing o.k. They checked for my pulse, In both my wrists, Then they checked it in my neck. They kept repeating to each other, That my pulse was good. I felt so sick! They phoned for an ambulance, To get me a trolley. Security thought I was 18! A nurse kept on telling me not to worry. I opened my eyes again, The sun was bright above my head. These flash-backs keep coming again and again. Maybe they’re just strong memories, It just feels like I’m still there! See, these nurses/security etc. It just hurts to know how much they cared!! It’s such a wild and weird feeling!! Yet, I’d rather just have died there! [comments] => 4 [counter] => 183 [topic] => 32 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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