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Array ( [sid] => 5179 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => How can it be [time] => 2002-10-16 20:00:00 [hometext] => My girlfriend broke up with me 9 hours ago, so I am writing this in total depression. Please bear with my language, for this is only my second English poem. [bodytext] => In this cloister, now I am alone
I can sense the pain in my bones,
Feel the knot tying in my throat,
While my eyes start to bloat

How can it be lastly so,
That you can’t keep up this show?
How can it finally be,
That you decided to set me free?

Every time I close my eyes,
It’s your face I recognize
My knees weaken when I know,
Into your haven, I just can’t go

The spark that ignited our flame,
In this world, will not remain
When I open my eyes and see,
You’re not right there, beside me

Feeling my pain, crying with me,
Holding me tight, dying with me,
Will I not sense your tenderness
To clean up, in my head, this mess?

How I loved you so tenderly,
You just left me so suddenly,
Didn’t have the time to utter why
Didn’t have the time to say goodbye

I don’t see any tears that flow,
Only rage that grows and grows,
Until it has burst, and it seems
That, a torrent, it will finally teem.

I can’t walk one step or two,
Without just thinking of you,
I would just rather forget,
Though, I can’t help but regret.

Our flower has now shriveled,
And in a petal I have chiseled
Your name in gloomy dismay
So that the wind blows it away
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 163 [topic] => 22 [informant] => Xenodata [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 17 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )

How can it be

Contributed by Xenodata on Wednesday, 16th October 2002 @ 08:00:00 PM in AEST
Topic: LostLove

In this cloister, now I am alone
I can sense the pain in my bones,
Feel the knot tying in my throat,
While my eyes start to bloat

How can it be lastly so,
That you can’t keep up this show?
How can it finally be,
That you decided to set me free?

Every time I close my eyes,
It’s your face I recognize
My knees weaken when I know,
Into your haven, I just can’t go

The spark that ignited our flame,
In this world, will not remain
When I open my eyes and see,
You’re not right there, beside me

Feeling my pain, crying with me,
Holding me tight, dying with me,
Will I not sense your tenderness
To clean up, in my head, this mess?

How I loved you so tenderly,
You just left me so suddenly,
Didn’t have the time to utter why
Didn’t have the time to say goodbye

I don’t see any tears that flow,
Only rage that grows and grows,
Until it has burst, and it seems
That, a torrent, it will finally teem.

I can’t walk one step or two,
Without just thinking of you,
I would just rather forget,
Though, I can’t help but regret.

Our flower has now shriveled,
And in a petal I have chiseled
Your name in gloomy dismay
So that the wind blows it away

Copyright Â© Xenodata ... [ 2002-10-16 20:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: How can it be (User Rating: 1 )
by aernby on Wednesday, 16th October 2002 @ 08:22:18 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Xen,

First, sorry about your loss. These things hurt like hell and only time really 'heals'. Gieve this loss for all it worth, get it all out of your system, then go on.

Poem: Not bad for only your second English poem. As it stands it is a monument to a specific incident -- you could leave as is. As a poem it needs some work . . .

Length -- some of the stanzas dont work as well as the others, cut out the weak ones ...
The idea of poetry is to refine emotion into diamond.

you've got the poetic touch, now have you got what it takes to write poetry?

questions? send me a private message

aern+

Re: How can it be (User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 18th October 2002 @ 05:53:06 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

great poem! You write beautiful english. I hope every thing works out to your benefit. God Bless!

Re: How can it be (User Rating: 1 )
by darkeyedman on Sunday, 24th November 2002 @ 10:43:04 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

loved the ending!

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