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Array
(
[sid] => 51063
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => dead (life is my suicide)
[time] => 2004-06-08 23:47:14
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I’ve swallowed pill after pill until my mind became an abstract thought in the mind of another another who had stolen my body until I was "able" (forced) to return I’ve blown off my head with the bullet of my hatred and watched with spectral eyes as memories and secret thoughts stained the wall like finger paint I fell through the floor of Coma to walk amongst the dead I strolled through fields so colorless that the Void beyond looked like a rainbow and woke to find my best years behind me emotional Cancer ravaged me until each feeling that I swore I felt was buried, unmourned next to every broken heart I feigned and though I wanted to cry I never could I’ve drowned myself in liquor and tears and love too soon forgotten only to wash ashore bloated and blue and wake to the discomfort of sand on my tongue (it tastes just like ashes) (I want to show you my darkness I want to show you my death just hold my hand and trust me and trade your breath for sight I’ll show you Beyond I’ll show you everything just let me see you smile once more because you'll never smile again) eaten alive by the flames of fury my ashes fell to chance scattered by the Winds of Promised Change that always fall short of their goal my smoldering remains sparked wars and divorce and the ever unabsent scorn of your god I’ve tasted sweet death I have quaffed it like wine each personal demise has left it's mark I walk, the grave's unwanted lover, a pointless zombie hungry for Naught (a fly in the pudding) unhuman error cipher so clear now as it always becomes when all logic is exhausted dead all along my heartbeat is it's own proof each self-destruction returns me here life is my suicide (this is my hell there is no exit and I will burn forever) [comments] => 4 [counter] => 246 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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