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Array
(
[sid] => 50778
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => To Be Me
[time] => 2004-06-07 00:36:26
[hometext] => This is a poem I wrote after being sexually harrased to help deal with everything. The comment about 8 years ago alludes to when I had been harrased a previous time. Please enjoy my poem and please tell me what you think of it.
[bodytext] => I don't know how to be me Nothing feels the same anymore. Everything feels so wrong to me I don't know how to act anymore. The feelings are different, The books, songs, bands, nothing seems right. The mask I had on is broken. I hid the real me for 8 whole years. 8 wonderful years the world knew a mask. You shattered my mask, my shield is gone. Crowds are no longer fine, I've never been not fine around others. Classes, are a joke, being aroudn others is torture. Noone knows my feelings, I'm building my mask again. I want to be me, but I don't even know me. For years I've acted, hidden behind my mask. That night, that horrible night, My mask, my shield, my safety, It disappered, it shattered, it's nothing anymore. You stole my protection, made me feel inferior. Nothing but time can heal the wouds you've caused. The path to finding me is long and scary, I'm thankful for the friends I have that know. My friends know not the whole truth, I've been too scared to let them know everything. Counseling sessions can only do wo much, You've taken so much from me. In one night, one nightmare of a night, You stole my protection, stole my security. I hope you're living your life, My life has been unlived since the. I look back at how I've acted, it's been a month and a half. I see not how I used to be, I'm scared and unsure, What is me, what is how I used to be. My days are long and drawn out Nothings as it was anymore, What used to be routine, Like classes, dinning halls for meals, Make me feel sick and pained. Physical touch, even a handshake was torture, A hug to my mother felt wrong. Nothing seems right anymore How can I be me after this, I don't know how to be me. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 143 [topic] => 48 [informant] => AlyssaMarie [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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