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Array
(
[sid] => 49348
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Own Relief
[time] => 2004-05-27 15:24:06
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I have my own way of dealing with things, My own relief. Most people don't approve though. I get so stressed out, So angry, So depressed. I feel like people expect so much from me. And that I have to meet everyone's expectations. But I can't always do it, I need a break too. All kinds of emotions I keep bottled up inside. They keep accumulating until I need to find some kind of relief. So I get my relief. Safety pins, razors, scissors, whatever. I'll take anything I can find. As long as it hurts, draws blood, and leaves a mark. I did it once just to try it. I thought I'd never do it again. But I did, it helped. I started on my arm, Four x's with a safety pin, And a slash with a razor blade. It hurt. It drew blood. It left marks. That's all I wanted, A way to relieve myself of these emotions, A reminder that I could make myself feel better. But my arms are too noticeable, The marks are still there. I fear they may scar. People noticed and they questioned me. So I lied, Anything I could think of. I got the impulse again. But it couldn't be my arms, I had learned. So I sliced my ankles. I just took a razor blade and sliced. It hurt and it bled a lot. More than I thought it would. Eventually it stopped though. I bandaged it for a day because it hurt so much. Those marks are still there too. I'm going to do it again. I want to. I have to. I can feel the emotions accumulating. It will come to be too much. And I can't take it. My arms are too noticeable, My ankles still scabbed. I think next time it'll be my leg. I have my own way of dealing. It works very well for me. I'm not going to stop until I want to, and no one can make me. MW 2001 [comments] => 3 [counter] => 168 [topic] => 61 [informant] => Tinkkerbelle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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