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Array
(
[sid] => 47737
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Trickery
[time] => 2004-05-16 09:30:06
[hometext] => Not that anyone cares but I've been gone for a while. For lack of a better summary, I'd really just appreciate any feedback on this one.
[bodytext] => My skin is steaming strewn across the shore
Kuman
My bones cementing death into the sand
di
Pray silence won’t be the last music I hear
seberang laut
Never thought your trickery could render me so weak
nampak,
Slain and stripped my soul raped into
useless ware
gajah
Left me witness to a ravaged whore’s delight
di
Pray I can muster my strength before I go
depan mata
Wish I could have witnessed the carnage in
your eyes
tak nampak,
When you realize that by my demise you’ve lost it all.
The words in italics are a Malay proverb that roughly translates as “We are quick to spot germs across the sea but never see the elephant in front of our eyes.”
[comments] => 9
[counter] => 240
[topic] => 52
[informant] => Avarice_Riot
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 23
[ratings] => 5
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => goodbyepoetry
)
Trickery
Contributed by
Avarice_Riot
on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 09:30:06 AM in AEST
Topic:
goodbyepoetry
|
My skin is steaming strewn across the shore
Kuman
My bones cementing death into the sand
di
Pray silence won’t be the last music I hear
seberang laut
Never thought your trickery could render me so weak
nampak,
Slain and stripped my soul raped into
useless ware
gajah
Left me witness to a ravaged whore’s delight
di
Pray I can muster my strength before I go
depan mata
Wish I could have witnessed the carnage in
your eyes
tak nampak,
When you realize that by my demise you’ve lost it all.
The words in italics are a Malay proverb that roughly translates as “We are quick to spot germs across the sea but never see the elephant in front of our eyes.”
Copyright ©
Avarice_Riot
... [
2004-05-16 09:30:06]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 09:33:47 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Crap place to be. You'll get out of it. I did! |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Rakerman1999 on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 09:51:45 AM AEST
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a Message)
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I havent been around much either lately and I am glad I timed being here right so I could read this. I loved the way you wrote this. I feel such bitterness and anger in it. Spitting out the lines with such power in the face of heartbreak and treachery.
This is one I will save to my computer if you dont mind.
A carpet of rose petals for this one
Very, VERY well done
Larry
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by bernard on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 10:13:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
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Most unusual way of presenting a poem, perfectly legitimate though. I am impressed by the way you brought in the Malay proverb one does not often see poems written this way. top marks for an unusual read.
bernard. |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Sunday, 16th May 2004 @ 06:37:18 PM AEST
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a Message)
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Strong and powerful emotions here. I am glad you are back. You were missed.
Rita |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Monday, 17th May 2004 @ 11:32:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
iv noticed that you were gone. glad to have you back :)
i really liked this poem. awesomely done.
great work.
Arden |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by blueheart on
Monday, 17th May 2004 @ 11:35:31 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Strong words sealed with bitterness. Precise words that indicate the pain. I loved it. The malay proverb slipped in between the lines gave the poem added strength. Creative, very creative. I know I for one have missed your poetry. |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Wednesday, 19th May 2004 @ 03:52:26 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Amazing poem....... simply amazing..... speechless!! |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Baronhawk on
Thursday, 17th June 2004 @ 06:52:16 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Words of such slicing sibilance that they wreaked such untold carnage upon the soul twisting it into a ball of hurt and despair brought upon by the blindness we oft harbored nurtured by wishes and dreams. It is painful when that which we hold soo dear turns out to be a poisoned well of malice. I know not what events this is but this poem herein is such a wrenching tirade. An honest cry from a hurt soul perhaps but a very clear vision of a saddened individual defeated by the trickery of a once hopeful situation. Such is life perhaps and you captured such emotions herein skillfully.
"Hopes and dreams oft shutters our view...defeating us when they are supposed to wreathe us in victory...for oft our hope and dreams only lead to sorrow and bilnds us to that we should have looked for in our very sight... the lesson perhaps is to be wary of the things we take for granted....treachery is amidst and could rear its head in many places, in many ways and at any time.." |
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Re: Trickery
(User Rating: 1 )
by Broken_Skin on
Saturday, 10th July 2004 @ 05:46:01 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
very unusual, now i know what talent really is..
BS x |
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