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Array
(
[sid] => 46946
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Last Stand
[time] => 2004-05-10 17:22:14
[hometext] => Have Fun, Have Sex, Go Die. Die Now...--Caesar quote
[bodytext] => This is serious, no longer any need Don’t understand, why continue to breathe? Why be subjected to such mental torment, when, if I wanted to, I could just repent? And why do I feel like I am dying? I swear i'm not kidding, im sitting here crying. So close, right there, but never to know Because I am too weak, so ready to let go. and even if I wasn’t, there was never a chance Always there, just out of reach, in a very different stance. Please tell me, silent voice from above, What will happen to the mourning dove? And will this life get any better, my guess is no, which means this may be my last letter I don’t know if this is a testament or a will, or whether I’ll go by noose or sleeping pills. But I do know all the things I’ll miss, the things I’ll never have, the unfulfilled bliss. And what I wanted most, the soft sweet kiss. The beautiful kiss of the one I hold dear, and it’s not her fault, i’m held back by fear. Held back by total fear of rejection, because I know I can’t pass her inspection, and I will never achieve her mandatory perfection. Won't get any better, can't get any worse all the mistakes i've made, I cannot reverse. What more can I say? It’s all my fault. All of my self-proclaimed, yet, immoral assault. Assault on myself, my very own attack. Just because what she wants is what I lack. She says its stupid, but it’s my only way out, does she really know what suffering is all about? god, i’m stupid, it's true, i’m crying, all I can leave her is my love, undying She saw through the shell, that I hide behind, and exposed my true self, love and hate intertwined. She knows everything that no one else does, yet she still discards me, reminding me of the woes I know that this did not go the way I planned, so I leave you with this, please don’t try to understand, for this is it, here is my last stand. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 208 [topic] => 13 [informant] => BinkCaesar [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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