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Array
(
[sid] => 46916
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Lost Son
[time] => 2004-05-10 13:39:10
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => Children should be seen and not heard, Everytime I spoke it was stupid to you, You battered me emotionaly/ It hurt, Every single thing I said was wrong, You destroyed my confidence, I destroyed myself/That didnt take long Was it a freak coincidence? That you hated your bastard child, Was it an act of love? When you hit your bastard child I went through hell and back, You ignored every vital event, I dont know if you even care, And the sad thing is, now I dont care You hit me for sneaking chocolate, You hit me for just speaking, You made me feel like I was useless, You just didnt seem to care When I fell down, you never picked me up, When I got hurt, you didnt even notice, You didnt even notice the cuts on my arm, And when you did, you wanted to put me away You cant even afford to raise your eldest child, But can afford to raise the other one, Was it hard picking between your offspring, I dont think it was, she is your princess And I'm just that stain on the bathroom floor, You scrub at it every single day, And it just will never go away, A child is for life, not just for christmas You didnt even take an intrest in my work, If you did you would have known what happened, You would have found your son is a whore, But you just didnt give a *****, You found it in your heart to ignore And now I sit here hating you for hating me, I sit here remembering how you shouted at me, Because I couldnt ride a bike when I was eight, You made me stutter, made me into a freak But I guess now the tables are turned, I'm going up in the world and your still sinking, Everything you did to me is making me stronger, Every shout, every hit, every word is my weapon So how does it feel to have a self-harming son, A bulemic, self hating, self destructive waste of life, The seed that you sowed, oh boy has it grown, Into something more horrible than you can imagine That innocent voice is lost in dark memories, That innocent laugh is lost somewhere in space, You are my creator, my inspiration I grant you that, But even though you created me, I dont think I can stop hating you For all the emotional torture you delt me, But guess what I'm not weak, I'm strong, I have kept so much hidden for so long, If you ever found out, you'd realize I'm lost, And eventually when you get that piece of mail, Blood and tear stained from my twisted mind, You'll find it composed of two lines; Dear Dad From your lost son (I still love you, as a parent, even though I know you hated me, you got me whatever I wanted, but sometimes materialism is just escapism from the fact you cant raise a child, all I ever wanted was a hug, not a self pitying hug, but a true real hug. I know you kick yourself for what you made me into, and I know somewhere in that unfocused mind you still care for me, and in some ways you showed that. But you always said I was forgetful, but dad, I never forget.) [comments] => 5 [counter] => 474 [topic] => 6 [informant] => alecfernadez [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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