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Array
(
[sid] => 4681
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The Way I Am
[time] => 2002-10-06 15:15:00
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I feel a little sad today,
my soul feels a little dark.
I smile and talk,
laugh and interact,
when I really feel like curling up and crying,
Alone.
But nobody will leave me alone,
everybody insists on bothering me.
Insisting that I open up,
insisting I interact.
Screw that.
I like being alone,
I like my sarcasim and cynisism.
I'm not going to change who I am,
just to make them happy.
Not many people know who I really am,
not many people really understand me.
I like it that way,
I'm not about to change it.
I don't understand myself most of the time,
so how am I supposed to explain me to others?
I can't, so why should I try?
I shouldn't,
so people will just have to deal.
I'm sick of feeling bad,
just because I keep things inside.
It's none of anyones buisness
what I think or feel.
I'm tired of fighting with people,
and defending the way I am.
People don't understand
that by trying to get closer to me,
they're just pushing me away.
You can't force me to trust someone,
it takes a little time.
The longer you try to force it,
the longer it takes to build.
I'll always be who I am,
whether people like it or not,
so why don't you stop trying to change me?
[comments] => 2
[counter] => 154
[topic] => 21
[informant] => Angel12881
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Lifepoems
)
The Way I Am
Contributed by
Angel12881
on
Sunday, 6th October 2002 @ 03:15:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
I feel a little sad today,
my soul feels a little dark.
I smile and talk,
laugh and interact,
when I really feel like curling up and crying,
Alone.
But nobody will leave me alone,
everybody insists on bothering me.
Insisting that I open up,
insisting I interact.
Screw that.
I like being alone,
I like my sarcasim and cynisism.
I'm not going to change who I am,
just to make them happy.
Not many people know who I really am,
not many people really understand me.
I like it that way,
I'm not about to change it.
I don't understand myself most of the time,
so how am I supposed to explain me to others?
I can't, so why should I try?
I shouldn't,
so people will just have to deal.
I'm sick of feeling bad,
just because I keep things inside.
It's none of anyones buisness
what I think or feel.
I'm tired of fighting with people,
and defending the way I am.
People don't understand
that by trying to get closer to me,
they're just pushing me away.
You can't force me to trust someone,
it takes a little time.
The longer you try to force it,
the longer it takes to build.
I'll always be who I am,
whether people like it or not,
so why don't you stop trying to change me?
Copyright ©
Angel12881
... [
2002-10-06 15:15:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Way I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Monday, 7th October 2002 @ 09:26:17 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
I really liked these words ... I also find it difficult to endlessly put on a front for people when all you want to do is curl up in a ball and be alone.
Well said. |
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Re: The Way I Am
(User Rating: 1 )
by Written2bRead on
Thursday, 14th November 2002 @ 09:01:23 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
"I'm sick of feeling bad,
just because I keep things inside.
It's none of anyone's buisness
what I think or feel."
This phrase seems to me to contradict itself. You feel bad 'cuz you keep things to yourself and right after saying this, you say that you're going to keep things to yourself. It makes sense though, I've been both kinds of people: the one who says nothing and feels everything (painful); and the one who is finally satisfied and feels like changing lives. About the first person, they wish they could have real trust and that people understood. Not knowing what to say gets frustrating and when people tell you "why don't you just tell me all about yourself and your life" you just want to either curse and yell or say nothing (that doesn't solve the problem then). So being depressed, confused, and quiet (which is better than depressed, confused, and social), just causes a person to be quieter and more confused doesn't it?
"I'm sick of feeling bad,
just because I keep things inside.
It's none of anyones buisness
what I think or feel."
Feeling depressed frustrated 'cuz you keep things inside and keeping things inside 'cuz you feel depressed and frustrated. "Wishing for hope and hoping for wishes to come true"
What else could you want though? What else is there to have? Don't you feel like you've seen pretty much enough of the BS that the world offers? Isn't everyone else just a fake? "I'd rather be real inside and not 'interactive' than be real inside & false on the outside" right? [Just to let you know, half of what I'm saying is just what I've felt before, so I'm not sure how similar we are and how much sense this is making...] I'm pretty damn sure that all the people out there HAVE to be feeling what I'm feeling: alone inside and afraid of that nameless something (void? no purpose?). How can anyone REALLY be happy? I could easily start faking who I am and earn a lot of "happiness" but would I really be happy? so what tells me that some one out there is different than me? that some one is really fulfilled and has no void? even in relationships, is there really a perfect someone out there for me? is that my purpose for life? Everything seems so meaningless and so short of what I need: to love and not lose. To have something that lasts forever; something more solid than my emotions, more solid than my temporary pain and more solid than my temporary pleasure... something eternal, not temporary... and something FULFILLING! not just pleasing. A purpose in life... whatever this thing is, I was made for it.
But is there something like that on earth? Is this thing tangible right now? NO.
Perfection, perfect love, perfect fulfillment, eternity itself is what can fulfill the eternal void... *sigh... contact me, I can't really tell you anymore right now, thanx |
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