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Array
(
[sid] => 4628
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The ***** up
[time] => 2002-10-05 08:45:00
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I always say I believe in destiny. We were put here for a reason...a predetermined purpose we're not aware of. So I've just let fate have her way with my life. Not really taking responsibility for the way things turn out. And that used to work for me. I could blow everything off with a flip of my hair, a roll of my eyes and an "Oh well. It was meant to be this way."
But now Destiny has played a cruel trick on me. She brought someone into my life I can't live without. Then she took him away from me. Made my life impossible for him to want to stay. Oh, she tried to make it up to me. Gave me one more chance to make things right. For there finally to be an US. Things were good for a while. Like a dream come true. Our love grew. We burned with passion for one another. But, I think Destiny has decided, without my input, that I am to be a forever ***** up. I am to always ALMOST get what I so desperately want, what I ache for, what my soul has been searching for. Then, just when it's within my reach, that's when the ***** up comes out in me. My evil twin maybe. There's "BEL" and then there's "BEL THE ***** UP." I never know who to expect to roll out of bed in the morning. I always think I'm "BEL," but somewhere along the way, my good friend always makes an appearance. I've tried talking to her about it. Asking her for at least a little warning before she comes out. But, not only is this Bel a "***** UP" she's also a stubborn *****. I know she has good intentions...never wants to hurt anyone, upset anyone, make anyone not trust her...blah, blah, blah....but in the end, she still ***** up. She doesn't give others what they expect of her, what they need from her or what's best for them. But maybe it's because no one has ever done that for her. The "***** UP" is in some ways better than plain old "BEL." Maybe it's because the "***** UP" knows she's gonna ***** up, so she tries harder, loves deeper. But in the end, she gets hurt harder. So, maybe Destiny is the real ***** up here. I mean, how ***** up is it to tell someone, here's the love of your life sweetheart. Your other half, your soul mate. See him? He's standing there waiting for you, go to him, make him yours. So, "BEL" and "BEL THE ***** UP" get their ***** together for once and reach out to him. But then that ***** Destiny says, "HA! HA! TOO LATE!" So, I've decided that Destiny is no longer in charge of my life. I AM!!! I WILL know what my purpose is in this life. Yeah, I'm still gonna ***** up and changing my way of thinking is gonna take time. But at least in the end, I'll know I made my own decisions. No excuses about Destiny. Just me, living my life the best way I know how....with love, trust and friendship. I just hope she was wrong and it's not really too late. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 162 [topic] => 22 [informant] => baby_bee [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => LostLove )
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