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Array
(
[sid] => 45454
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Reflection On Regret
[time] => 2004-04-29 18:31:51
[hometext] => Erm.. Just a few thoughts I had whilst I couldn't sleep. About some mistakes I feel I have made or I have been told I have made.
[bodytext] => I lay awake most nights, Thinking about what could have been, If things would have been any different, If half my mistakes, I didn't make. The littlest things, That make me wonder, Giving the bus driver the wrong change, Buying the wrong sized clothes, What would I be like, If I didn't make mistakes? I see you, My best friend, Rachel, Aged 10 and a half, Remember when we argued? I said we shouldn't be best friends? Our parents laughed, Said it would pass, It never did, I see you everyday, But still remember you as a child, The fun we had, You're different now, aged 16, I don't recognise you, What would it of been like, If we never argued? Aged 16, Would we still be sisters? Would we still joke and tease? Would you be that 10-year-old, That I loved so dearly? I wish we'd never argued, I would like to know you again, Compare the you aged 10, to now, To see if what I said, Was wrong, A mistake. And you, My first love, I don't even know what I did wrong, I don't actually know why you left, I remember when we argued, When you threatened to leave, Whilst you listened to me cry, I was young and naive, I believed you'd come back, So I didn't fight for you, Was that my mistake? Was that my fault within our relationship? Back then, When I was 15, If I had of fought for you, If I held onto you, Would we still be together now? Would our relationship of progressed? Perhaps turned into real love? I still wonder about you, Dream about what it would have been like, If you never left, If you were here, I wonder if you love someone else now. Then there's you, My parents, When I was young you were constantly arguing, I only ever saw my father at weekends, And you, mother, you spent your time crying, Then you'd get back together, But the arguments never stopped, You blamed me for your marriage, Neither of you really wanted it, You said it was for my benefit, If I was better behaved as a child, Would you both be happy? Together? Remember when I was 6, Christmas Eve, When you came home, I hadn't seen you for months, Dad, Remember? I didn't recognise you, To me, You were just a strange man in black, Stood in the hall, I cried, Is it always going to be like that? Will I always be without you for countless months? Is it me? Do you avoid me? I would like to have you back, To know you properly. All these doubts, Are they my mistakes? Are they mine to take the blame for? Are these sleepless nights worthwhile? If by erasing these memories I could forget, If by forgetting I could overcome the regrets, I would accept my mistakes. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 188 [topic] => 48 [informant] => sweet-poison [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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