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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 20:22:33 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 45344
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Scrapbook Of Memories
[time] => 2004-04-29 01:05:29
[hometext] => I know this one is rather lengthy... but u'll get to peek into my scrapbook of memories... see how I came to be... and who I am... and why I write such sad poetry... comments welcomed...
[bodytext] => Listening to the waves slap at the shore of my mind... Thoughts and emotions are riding high... on the waves of the wind driven tide... Sweeping the pain and suffering aside... If only for a little while... Only to return again in time... I sit here... leafing through the yellowed pages of my patchworked life... Held within my scrapbook of memories... I've been through so much... I think... I wonder how I've survived through all the trauma and pain I was born one cold February evening... Oh... how my mother was heaving... To make my grand entrance into this world... The doctor used forceps to extract me... I was a nine pound... thirteen ounce baby Being delievered from a woman... who hadn't had a child in almost nine years... What an eventful evening that was... Then... when I was six weeks old... I was sitting upon my sister's lap... Everybody thought I was taking a nap... Actually... I was staring into the big mirror That over the fireplace hung... I turned blue... 'cause I couldn't get any air into my lungs The doctors never figured out what the problem was... But I'm still here... 37 years later to tell tale... Then... when I was about nine or ten... I became a child with innocents lost... I should have stopped it... Could have... I should have spoken up... But didn't it... It would have saved a lot of pain and sorrow... For the children of tomorrow... But as a child... I was afraid of what would happen... Now I carry a great guilt inside... That constantly bears upon my mind Then... in the tenth grade... My life was treading on a double edged blade... I got so depressed... so despondent... you see... I don't really know what happened to me... Before I knew it... I was wanting out... 'Cause life seemed to hold no meaning anymore... Low self- esteem really took it's toll... Thoughts of suicide gained control... But it was something... I couldn't bring myself to do... Aren't you glad... I wouldn't be here writing to you.... Then... there was the day... My world turned upside down... inside out... The day I lost "my best friend" She was all the world to me... She was my dear... sweet mommy I was here alone with her when she died... No one has any idea of what it's like... How helpless it feels... to hear someone take their last breath... That last gasp breathed as it escapes their lips When life is no more... gone forever... but not forgotten... I've always held a terrible guilt... I felt as though everyone blamed me... I know this is not true... I know there was nothing I could do... I just can't seem to forgive myself... Why? I don't know... An important event... took place that very next week... Easter Sunday of '88... I started going to church... I'm proud to say... The following August of that year... I was baptized into the family of God... Then... two years ago... We almost lost dad... to the very same thing as mom died of... A little bit more and we would have... But the thing in this scrapbook... that tops it all... Is the one thing that can still be carried out.. Two years ago... my life was threatened... Two years ago... I could have died... but didn't... Two years ago... was a year of Hell for me... That's been never ending... Assulted... shoved to the ground... Sat on... with my head held down... And asked in the evilest of voice... that I've ever heard.. It hissed at me these words... "What are you gonna do now... b****?" Well... he soon found out... Threatened my life... my family guns for yours... He was supposed family... A cousin so distant... we claim him not... Stayed for two and a half months... All the while... we had the knowledge... That in the early '80's... his wife he'd shot... in cold blood... Got off with an insanity plea... Got out of prison to roam scott free Roamed down Florida way... Then back up to Georgia for an extended stay... Got ten years for assulting and holding a woman against her will They should have kept him... Then he wouldn't have put me through this hell... But back up here he came... headed straight to us... Where he stayed awhile... then made a big fuss... Threatened my life... but never to my face... Don't know where he's at now... And frankly don't give a ****... As long as he stays away from me... I already live in constant fear... I've gotten over the initial nightmares... I try and hide it... burying it deep inside... But sometimes... it surfaces to haunt me again... Will it ever end? Now you've had a peek into my life... Into the guilt I carry deep inside... It's like a silent voice... wanting to scream out to the unsuspecting world... "This is the life... I've suffered in silence... Crying my tears of shame... now it's time you learn the truth... I'm not the innocent person you thought you knew!" Alone I cry these tears and suffer through my world of pain... As I hide in my world of loneliness... nobody sees these things take place Or the guilt that has seized my life and beats on me... Welcome to my world... trapped with in the pages of my scrapbook of memories... [comments] => 4 [counter] => 166 [topic] => 21 [informant] => kidpoet_213 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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