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Array ( [sid] => 44850 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => A secret room [time] => 2004-04-26 01:15:16 [hometext] => just wrote this. as always, feedback is appreciated [bodytext] => i walk into a room
i see nothing in there
i look around confused
with just a vacant stare

its dark in here
all lights are out
i wander further in
with loads of doubt

i follow the wall
around every inch of the room
the door slams shut
i must have met my doom

a crashing noise
a light turns loose
and in the middle
is a noose

a chair appears
this cant be right
i think im gonna
die tonight

i walk towards the center
i stand on the chair
the rope feels soothing
brushing over my hair

its grip tightens
this must be the end
i kick the chair away
i'll see you in hell, my friend [comments] => 5 [counter] => 313 [topic] => 32 [informant] => SuperAsh16 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

A secret room

Contributed by SuperAsh16 on Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:15:16 AM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

i walk into a room
i see nothing in there
i look around confused
with just a vacant stare

its dark in here
all lights are out
i wander further in
with loads of doubt

i follow the wall
around every inch of the room
the door slams shut
i must have met my doom

a crashing noise
a light turns loose
and in the middle
is a noose

a chair appears
this cant be right
i think im gonna
die tonight

i walk towards the center
i stand on the chair
the rope feels soothing
brushing over my hair

its grip tightens
this must be the end
i kick the chair away
i'll see you in hell, my friend

Copyright © SuperAsh16 ... [ 2004-04-26 01:15:16]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: A secret room (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:34:32 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I found this quite chilling a very dark write well done.

wildejohnny.

Re: A secret room (User Rating: 1 )
by deathdrop on Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 01:53:24 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

quite long, but simple. powerful. i enjoyed this deeply. thanks for sharing!

Re: A secret room (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 03:55:34 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

*shudder*
this one sent chills up my spine.
lol my boyfriend just read it and he wants me to tell you that your poem is going to give him nightmares hehe.
I must agree.
Excellent dark write...
Katie

Re: A secret room (User Rating: 1 )
by Remi on Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 10:39:16 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

dark but good very good

remi

Re: A secret room (User Rating: 1 )
by dormantwhispers on Thursday, 29th April 2004 @ 11:25:22 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I've already given you feedback on pretty much all of your poems already, but I felt like give you a comment to look at. Since you crave comments so much lol. It's good. I think you should use more punctuation though. It'd be a lot easier to read the poems that way you intend them.

Mmk. I think I'm done. Bye Ashy.

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