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My Attempt at Suicide
Contributed by
WorthlesSanity666
on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 01:17:28 PM in AEST
Topic:
Suicide
|
No one knows
how long I've been drifting.
No one knows the pain I feel.
I don't even know
why I'm sad.
It's late at night,
I make the decision.
I'm going to die tomorrow.
I write my friend,
saying good bye.
At four in the morning,
I hear a male voice
that I haven't heard
in a long time.
It's her father and
I hear sobs in
the background.
She comes on the phone and
cries and begs.
I'm too tired to think,
I sound like a child.
I lie to her and
tell her I won't do anything.
I go to school like
it was any other day.
But for me,
it's different.
The tests I take that day
won't matter.
I will never look upon these
people again.
Silently,
I say goodbye.
Silently,
I fade away.
It's half a day today,
I get to go home early.
I stop my ex
half way up the stairs.
I say I need to talk to him,
but swallow all my words and
courage.
I muster up the strength
when we get upstairs.
I tell him that I'm
going to end it all.
He says he's been through this
before,
others he's none have
done it too.
I grab his arm and
say goodbye.
I walk down the stairs,
I walk down the streets
I will never see again.
The walk feels like
an eternity to my house.
My mind is rather blank.
I'm completely numb.
I turn the key in
the lock to my house.
I walk through the door.
I write my
last poem,
I say goodbye to
my friends online,
that is, what few
I have.
I promise them I will only
slit once, to see if
it's meant to be.
I turn off the computer,
and walk downstairs.
I hug my pets,
they've always been there.
I walk into the kitchen,
I look for a sharp knife.
I find one and
try it out.
It leave a beautiful
prick.
I take the knife and
slit my wrists,
each once.
But the cuts don't bleed enough.
I break my promise,
and slit again.
Then more and more.
My wrists still won't bleed.
I sink down,
resting against the cabinets.
I'd cry,
but I am incapable.
So I weep inside,
and wish to die.
I try to
prevent the cuts from
clotting, to make them
keep bleeding.
I dab them with tissues to
keep the blood flowing.
I try to mix the blood with water,
to try and make them flow.
But it wasn't meant to be.
I flush the tissues
down the drain,
trying to keep it a secret.
I go online,
telling my friends that
I failed,
that I was to dumb to even
kill myself.
My mom comes home,
and acts like every thing's fine.
But she knows.
My ex told a counselor
who call my mom,
she set up a
meeting with a help center.
If only I hadn't gone.
That night, after the meeting,
we eat a small dinner,
neither one of us is very hungry.
That night, was the longest and
hardest night of my whole life.
Copyright ©
WorthlesSanity666
... [
2004-04-23 13:17:28]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 01:23:12 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
this was so sad... I've been in that exact same place going to school for the last time with the intentions of ending it all... its a lonely place that is difficult to describe and one that only those who have been there can comprehend. I am glad you are still alive and I hope you realize the potential that you have in you. If you want to PM me feel free to do so. Once again a great, sad poem and thnx for sharing this.
Bobo (Joel) |
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Leoniboge on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 01:31:11 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
Yeah I've been in that exact same possition too... and I know that probably means nothing (to know that someone feels the same, because you can never believe that they ever have or do)...
The poem showed great emotion, with brilliant phrases dotted around which touched me as I related to it all.
Keep going
Leo xXx |
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by Daniela_Maria_Violin on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 04:22:53 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
so vivid and painful... can't say I've been that far into depression but this is good for what it is --part of the healing process, I hope writing this did make you feel better and you realize now that life is worth living.
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by amalyna on
Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 08:05:07 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Reading this I felt tears come to my eyes remembering such similar nights.... sometimes things seemed worth living through just to have the poem I came out of them with. Although it often doesn't seem it words are stronger than pain. Hang in there and keep writing! |
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by tissueshaveissues on
Monday, 26th April 2004 @ 09:43:14 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| wow... I was crying like a baby by the end of this. I know how that feels and I hope you are/get better. wow... |
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by EvaRee on
Wednesday, 28th April 2004 @ 02:40:37 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| Great poem...i know how you feel because i did this last night...you said then it's not meant to be, well i am sure it's not for you, so you keep on going, and your life will get better, but for others...well, we just keep trying. But you seem to god for that so just hold your head up high and learn from it. Nicely done. |
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Re: My Attempt at Suicide
(User Rating: 1 )
by EvaRee on
Wednesday, 28th April 2004 @ 02:41:28 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| Great poem...i know how you feel because i did this last night...you said then it's not meant to be, well i am sure it's not for you, so you keep on going, and your life will get better, but for others...well, we just keep trying. But you seem to good for that so just hold your head up high and learn from it. Nicely done. |
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