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Array
(
[sid] => 44276
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => If I were to...
[time] => 2004-04-22 11:39:35
[hometext] => Ok.. So this is how I was feeling yesterday.. It's just me generally writing down how I was feeling so you may well dislike it.
[bodytext] => If I were to write a suicide note who would I blame? Would I die silently or would I have some apologies to make? who would I say sorry to? would I have any regrets? Would I say sorry to my friends? Do I actually owe them anything? Have they helped me through my tough times? If they had wouldn’t they of helped me through this? Wouldn’t they of stopped me feeling like this? Wouldn’t they of noticed a problem? Do they even notice my pain? have they ever paid attention to my tears? or just turned away and forgotten? If they cared wouldn’t they be with me now? At my time of need? Right here, now? Wouldn’t they be here cradling tissues for me? Wiping my cheeks clean of tears? At least trying to help? Have they ever been here? Have they ever helped? Do they deserve to be in my final statement? Do they deserve a mention upon my death? Would I thank my family? Have they been there for me? Would I thank them for my up-brining? Would I thank my parents for not killing me whilst I didn’t have a pulse? while I was a foetus? Would I thank them for the love they showed me? For every sleepless night I spent dwelling upon my actions? Would I blame them? Would it be their fault? Would they drive their youngest daughter to suicide? Well, They weren't ideal were they? Do they pay attention to me? If I left a suicide note would they even find it? Would they cry at my funeral? Would they cry for me? Or for the things they failed to do? Would they blame themselves? Do they deserve an apology? Do they deserves to have their minds put at rest? Or do they deserve to sit and dwell? Do they deserve guilt and regret? Would that teach them? Would that show them how they failed me? If I let them dwell? Should I let them bathe in the pain that I leave? Do they deserve to know the reason for their child's death? Would I want anyone to know the reason that drove me to suicide? Would I want to leave a note? Would I explain everything? Or just say goodbye? A simple goodbye? To certain people or just a general statement? Would I even apologise? Would I regret ending my own life? Would I want people to think I didn’t actually want it? Would I want people to think I had regrets? [comments] => 3 [counter] => 196 [topic] => 48 [informant] => sweet-poison [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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