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Array ( [sid] => 44103 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Observing The Nature [time] => 2004-04-20 18:52:48 [hometext] => My First Attempt At Haiku, Be Generous =Þ [bodytext] => *******.:~:.*******

Lovely Bright Day
Blue Shadows Observing
Nature Admiring

*******.:~:.*******

Whisper To The Trees
Two Worlds Come Together
Enjoy The Weather

*******.:~:.******* [comments] => 7 [counter] => 214 [topic] => 17 [informant] => New_York_Chick [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => Haiku )

Observing The Nature

Contributed by New_York_Chick on Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 06:52:48 PM in AEST
Topic: Haiku

*******.:~:.*******

Lovely Bright Day
Blue Shadows Observing
Nature Admiring

*******.:~:.*******

Whisper To The Trees
Two Worlds Come Together
Enjoy The Weather

*******.:~:.*******

Copyright © New_York_Chick ... [ 2004-04-20 18:52:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 07:03:22 PM AEST
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beautiful!!! hugs n' love nessa

@->>->-

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by Kie on Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 07:14:32 PM AEST
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I know absolutely nothing about Haiku but I thought your poem was lovely.

Kie

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on Tuesday, 20th April 2004 @ 08:25:46 PM AEST
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Both have lovely imagery..which is great to Haiku..
I will pm you with a hint or two...

Jenni

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 12:13:40 AM AEST
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Beautiful thoughts. Keep in mind and watch carefully because I have made the same mistakes. 5-7-5 is the rule and depending on local dialect can be counted wrong. The first is incorrect, but beautiful. The second is perfect as far as I can tell, or at least from my Texas dialect.

Rita

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 12:46:46 AM AEST
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i'm impressed! 5 stars for you!

wildej.

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by eternallyloved on Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 01:13:19 AM AEST
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Great Job. Be careful though, rita is right. u should try and keep it 575. U can count the
sylables sometimes by clapping consecutively
as you say the line. The amount of claps is
the sylables. Or at least thats how i do it.
on the first im counting 466, on the second
im counting 565. So you are very close.
Great content though. Impressive.
Keep up the good work.
God Bless,
~Shayna

Re: Observing The Nature (User Rating: 1 )
by Cynthia on Wednesday, 21st April 2004 @ 10:10:16 PM AEST
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I loved both of them. Excellent job. *S* Cynthia

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