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Array ( [sid] => 43946 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Woods Forever Beautiful [time] => 2004-04-19 19:44:28 [hometext] => Where I wish I was..Beautiful woods.. [bodytext] => The deadened trees
Their leaves so lifeless on the ground
The hungry crow that prowls
Looking for the damned
To save its starving stomach
So loudly it does caw
As it circles high above

On the ground
The deer does walk
Upon the cold dead earth
Rummaging through such mess
In hope of finding
Just one blade of grass

All around you the stench is
Of rotting leaves
On such moist earth

The cloudy gray it looms around
Slowly creeping
Taking over
These dark woods

So here and now
I wish I was
Sitting in those woods
Seeing the strange life
The Goddess has created

I love these woods
And the beauty within them [comments] => 4 [counter] => 260 [topic] => 27 [informant] => night_child [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => NaturePoetry )

Woods Forever Beautiful

Contributed by night_child on Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 07:44:28 PM in AEST
Topic: NaturePoetry

The deadened trees
Their leaves so lifeless on the ground
The hungry crow that prowls
Looking for the damned
To save its starving stomach
So loudly it does caw
As it circles high above

On the ground
The deer does walk
Upon the cold dead earth
Rummaging through such mess
In hope of finding
Just one blade of grass

All around you the stench is
Of rotting leaves
On such moist earth

The cloudy gray it looms around
Slowly creeping
Taking over
These dark woods

So here and now
I wish I was
Sitting in those woods
Seeing the strange life
The Goddess has created

I love these woods
And the beauty within them

Copyright © night_child ... [ 2004-04-19 19:44:28]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Woods Forever Beautiful (User Rating: 1 )
by Ramuel on Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 08:33:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is the best poem I've read on this site. I'm reminded of Mary Oliver alot by this style. I love nature, this is a peice I can really feel. Theres not too much I can say about how to improve this peice. It might benifit if you changed the order of some of the stanzas. It might change the dynamic a bit. If now the poem stanzas are in order A,B,C,D,E,F, I suggest the order A,C,B,D,F,E. Also, in the third stanza it says, "on the ground/the deer does walk/upon the cold dead earth." Thats maybe just a tad repititious. You might just take out the first line of that stanza. None of these things I've mentions detract much at all from the current state of the poem, however. Exellent peice. 5 out of 5, indeed.

-Ramuel :)

Re: Woods Forever Beautiful (User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on Monday, 19th April 2004 @ 09:13:54 PM AEST
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Nicely written. I almost felt as if I was there in the woods with you. :-)

Whisper

Re: Woods Forever Beautiful (User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 02:34:22 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I liked the striking contrast. Very well written and worded.
Take care.
David

Re: Woods Forever Beautiful (User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on Friday, 23rd April 2004 @ 04:37:28 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

wonderful:) hugs n' love nessa

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