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Array ( [sid] => 43801 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => MODERN PRELUDE [time] => 2004-04-18 18:24:48 [hometext] => [bodytext] => Standing at a crossroad
Walking down a screw way street
Why so many obstacles do I meet.......
like this putrid heat
of desert-
And from which MODERN PRELUDE
shall I drink-
And what will the pondering statues
of men think?
And will the earth crumble beneath my feet-
Quick Sand_
And in which hand
will you be standing?
Will I drag you down with me..................
to drown in this deep blue sea..
that seems to have appeared out of nowhere.
[comments] => 2 [counter] => 202 [topic] => 43 [informant] => PRECIOUSBECKY [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 7 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

MODERN PRELUDE

Contributed by PRECIOUSBECKY on Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 06:24:48 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

Standing at a crossroad
Walking down a screw way street
Why so many obstacles do I meet.......
like this putrid heat
of desert-
And from which MODERN PRELUDE
shall I drink-
And what will the pondering statues
of men think?
And will the earth crumble beneath my feet-
Quick Sand_
And in which hand
will you be standing?
Will I drag you down with me..................
to drown in this deep blue sea..
that seems to have appeared out of nowhere.

Copyright © PRECIOUSBECKY ... [ 2004-04-18 18:24:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: MODERN PRELUDE (User Rating: 1 )
by creed on Sunday, 18th April 2004 @ 07:41:51 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

very cool. i like it!!

Re: MODERN PRELUDE (User Rating: 1 )
by ebonystiletto on Saturday, 8th May 2004 @ 04:15:08 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Becky- I like this poem for many reasons:
- the fact that it draws me into it... makes me believe I'm the speaker..
- the breaks on the line patterns are wonderfly placed
-and overall the grammar is really nice

I would suggest fixing:
- lines 6, 8, 10, and 12.... they all start the same. try using periods or semicolins to your advantage so you don't have to keep repeating "and will"

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