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Array
(
[sid] => 41969
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => i am Beyond
[time] => 2004-04-06 01:02:33
[hometext] => wrote while listening to
[bodytext] => her pale flesh stretched taut on her skull as she screamed at me once more to "run" but it was too late like rain or tiny fingers from the sky it swallowed me slowly and tenderly like the rolling wave of climax when they let me see i could actually feel the white on me, inside of me tainting every piece of my Nothing and when they finally let me see they never let me close my eyes again they stole my sleep no Coma to comfort me now and always the whispers inside and out they came from everywhere and told me terrible things lies that i soon started to believe ideas that i had fought so long simple truths that i could not handle the shaking started long ago i'm always cold, even as i sweat they paint the bugs that crawl on me to match my fading skin so that i cannot see them only feel them prowling my flesh they intend to drive me mad i've watched the others come and go it's usually the lack of sleep or the bugs that get them few last more than two days but i won't break i won't let them win i can go on forever because they started far too late white noise or a bastard flute rings through out the "center" a maddening pitch that makes my teeth grind but my shaking smile never falls and my glazing eyes won't close for i am perpetual now i am Beyond now they come with pain alien tools that distort the mind multi-legged chips planted beneath my skin shuffling memories, rearranging my thoughts i'm no longer alone even inside my head holographs now the room is now a graveyard filled with the past mutilated replicas of friends and family are paraded before me then carelessly thrown into holes covered with ashes and human waste all the time crying for me begging me to just let go and save them but i remain a shadow of my former self weak and trembling but still unyielding for i am perpetual now i am Beyond and now the worst they bring her before me she is crying terrified they abuse her in disgusting ways taking their turns over and over and when they exhaust themselves they let the machines have her in a morbidly enchanting symphony of torn flesh and engorged chrome i can't stop the tears when i see that she's died too small, too frail couldn't bear the abuse but even her death doesn't stop them they plod on with greater passion dismembering her each toying with a different piece of my love now time has lost it's feeble hold on the joke of reality everything comes unglued the physical world literally falls apart shattered like a childhood dream and beyond everything that i was shown i see the true "everything" it's endless out here truly endless the ground is a grey dust that stretches farther than the miles i've trod never so much as a ripple to break the monotonous horizon in the sky there are no stars, no planets nothing no color not white or black or anything for it is simply a Void stretching out to the ends of the endless and i walk alone here marching on in shame knowing that i have succumb tormented by the fact that my failure was too late to save her i broke i died for nothing i walk alone here in this hell and i will walk alone forever for my pain is perpetual now and i am Beyond [comments] => 4 [counter] => 161 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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