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Array
(
[sid] => 3838
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Lost Nephews
[time] => 2002-09-15 06:56:27
[hometext] => Repost from old site...
Benjamin and Eric Holtzapple. My two wonderful twin nephews. Now young men. I miss them dearly; sure wish things hadn’t happened as they did. I know that if I weren’t allowed to see them, it would most likely keep me with their uncle. At least this was the first thought. It did hit squarely in my heart, the pain of not sharing in their lives, as I had. Those boys meant so much to me. But also the pain of what had happen in my marriage was something I had to do, and leave. But I never thought I would be told; I couldn’t see them. It hurt a lot. I refuse to say who it was, for you don’t fight family, it just causes more problems. I am hoping now, that they are of age, if somehow my prayers will be answered, and I can communicate with them again. Just that I may not even enter in their minds, let alone the fact, it would hurt them more. A lot has happened to them, I am sure. I missed them growing up from young teens to young men. It’s very tragic, for this was the best and most enjoyable part of my married life I had, sharing those boys life, was a blessing, I will never forget. The boys were like my own. Sorry this was long; I needed to write it out. The pain is so emotional, sometimes unbearable… [bodytext] => Three years have gone by now Wishing I had seen you both, somehow I can remember eighteen years ago When you both were born, two months too soon I was just dating your uncle six months you know The fact you were born on your Dad’s day, was a great tune I had gotten to know both your parents and the rest of family That day was a great day, and long, you both were held in the palm Of one hand, that’s how small you had been, Benjamin Roger was first; he had no problem coming out naturally But Eric David, well, this wasn’t easy remaining calm For the cord decided to keep you in, but the docs cut it, gave you oxygen I only seen you once that small, there you both remained in neonatal After some time, both finally got to come home Such a wonderful event, and double the pleasure for everyone You both grew so fast, still rather small, now out of the cradle Eating some solid foods, chatting too, and those feet sure do roam! Bracelets on your wrists to tell you both apart, you both thought it was fun As you grew older, twins you are, but differences could tell you apart By the age of two, I had already been called Aunty that was cool! Even though I didn’t marry your uncle till you were five, oh was that a start! I loved having you boys all the time. How it was like having my own two jewels Do you remember when your uncle and I got our home? You’re about seven, you both were asked to pick a room to stay And when the adults were done moving, pizza we ordered by phone We couldn’t find you boys anywhere, Until I found you both eating pizza in the closet of the room, giggling you say!! The years go by, I took you boys walking, hiking, even the bus, here and there. The time you both camped out in the big tent, in our backyard I got you both up at midnight, so you can have a midnight river stroll Flashlights out, and walking in the dark we go, it was scary and hard For you boys were about 10 or so, hoping we didn’t run into a pole! Yes, I remember so much, how you both gleamed At your first major league baseball game What can I say, wanted you to root with me, instead you root for the winning team! I’m glad I got some pictures of you both, always my memories of you, be the same The year I left your uncle, you’re turning fifth teen, precious times of the teens I had been prepping you both, telling you, I would be going away But didn’t get the chance to tell you why in my own way I was forbidden entrance to your time now, so it seems I will not explain who told me, but blood is thicker then water I was left out, and surely family isn’t a pot to boil, or bother So now, your old enough, I have missed you both so much I still love you, but not sure if I enter your memories at all Did I make an impression of the times before, with my aunty touch? I live far away, no way to see or even travel, the boonies you live So at this time, I can only write of my pain of missing you, seemly my fall I ask the Lord for help; in wondering of you both, He has yet to give Me a full sign, not yet. My heart is broken of not seeing you Grow into fine young men, and seeing you graduate your class I hope you don’t think I abandoned you, I didn’t. Family isn’t a fight, they knew I couldn’t see you, so it was a sign of do not pass Please forgive me, for not being there, even to write or call I wondered if you would now, since it’s been a while You could have a new Aunty, that’s ok I just needed to write this, it’s all I can feel and do, not to file My memories of you both, like my own sons, my love is at bay I will keep praying, for God allows the good over bad He knows how I feel, and how sad This is. I never thought it would be this way For all that it is worth, I still care and love you Hoping the sky will open; show a light to guide me thru. Amber Rose Yeager – May 25, 2002 [comments] => 1 [counter] => 170 [topic] => 32 [informant] => Rose [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )
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