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Array
(
[sid] => 38298
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Artificial Emotions
[time] => 2004-03-11 19:42:18
[hometext] => Only man made drugs makes me feel now.
[bodytext] => The dull day has riddled my dreams full of holes again. Inside her eyes, lies nothing yet again. Her heart is full of emptiness and apathy. She looks at me through clouded eyes and puts it on me. Again I’m stuck in forgiveness and confusion. Crying and sobbing she pours out to me my mistakes. She explains how she wants me to disappear and explains my lies. The truths of my lies are, that I have none. My honesty has been with her the entire time, following her no matter what I have done. Her lies stack higher than the heavens and her betrayal goes beyond limits but my love was too strong and ignorant. Her brown eyes reflected beauty and good, her brown hair was long and shimmered in the light, her body an unconceivable sight, and her heart was pure and kind. Now she lies with drama and sleeps with artificial love. Watching her slip away again is unbearable. She turns and walks away from me forever. I’m too frozen by confusion and frustration to follow my love. At home, my prison, I sit and dwell on my lose. Depressed and suicidal I wait for their arrival. Again I hold up to the verbal assaults and frustration. Failure, suicide, and confusion swill around inside my head. Standing still taking on the full force of the barrage my mind breaks away from the onslaught of words. Drifting away from the world my illusions and dreams seduce me. Lying there holding her in my arms kissing her repeatedly. Sitting there exchanging passionate words and loving moments. The warmth of her body presses against me assuring me of my love and hers. Our arms mutually wrap around each other fitting us perfectly together. I find myself staring deep into her eyes again, feeling her soft lips against mine, and my hands across her soft skin. Drifting again I see myself walking through the front door with smiling faces everywhere. Only hopeful and kind words fly though the air. Family dinners with happiness in the air, car rides peaceful and fun, and conversations filled with laughter and sanity. With my illusions short lived by the slamming of doors. I walk slowly with head down towards my feelings. Opening the doors I twist off the top of my emotions; turning the tube upside down and swallowing my soon to become feelings. Then I toss the empty tube on the ground and being to walk upstairs. Beginning my walk upstairs I go past every forgotten memory and feeling, each one reoccurring in my mind. Haunting me every second as I walk up to my cell. Inside my own prison I lie awake, staring at the blades spinning around, if this is the only way to feel. My eyes begin to feel heavy and my breathing begins to fade. My heart beats softer and softer. As I drift of to sleep my hearts frustration and tribulation release. My artificial feelings take control, my eyes are shut, my heart is slowing, and my lungs are tired. My man made feelings take me to a better place than anything else ever could. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 286 [topic] => 39 [informant] => JTS [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )
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