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Array
(
[sid] => 3769
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => mixed dreams
[time] => 2002-09-13 06:10:26
[hometext] => this is all about wanting to end life.but i know the pain i felt when my dad died when i was 11.i love my boys but want to die
[bodytext] => I love my boys,in so many ways.
they make me laugh with their own little ways I watch them play and pass their day i have a dream i want that to be the way but inside i have a fear. i am just not me i want to say to die would ease the pain inside but that would cause to much pain on two little faces i want too be still and sleep eternal but for the pain on two little faces i walk this earth dead on the inside alive on the outside,to be with my dad that is a dream i still feel the pain of my own fathers death that is why i think of two little faces they need that love no other can provide but how i want to ride the big white clouds but for the pains on two little faces i ride the hell inside me i laugh,scream shout and cry but only my soul can see deep inside just as i would look down and see the pains in two little faces so for now i will continue in hope of reaching an understanding of this head and heart of mine i know i have got to because of two little faces as i dont want to look down from those heaven clouds and see the pain on my poor little darlings faces [comments] => 1 [counter] => 210 [topic] => 36 [informant] => karen [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 25 [ratings] => 5 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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