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Beneath

Contributed by hope on Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 04:01:08 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry



Drowning, drowning
Among her tears
The ones that build up after all these years

Suffocating, suffocating
Beneath her skin
The cries she held so deep within

Crushing, crushing
Her hopes and dreams
All her confidence disappears it seems

Through all the noise no one seemed to hear
She stood all alone, just her and her fears
No one could see past the perfect picture
Of the little girl so sad and inflicted


She puts up her walls and closes herself in
She makes a pact never to let anyone in
That is where she will find herself safe
With her secret locked firmly in place

She often wished you heard her cry
Or saw the pain that filled her inside
Or maybe even took her hand
And rescued her from this awful land




Copyright © hope ... [ 2004-03-07 04:01:08]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: Beneath (User Rating: 1 )
by Stitch on Sunday, 7th March 2004 @ 10:03:12 AM AEST
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This is interesting. You have begun to paint a portrait of her loneliness under the perfect facade. I would show her more and tell the reader a little less.
Stitch


Re: Beneath (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Friday, 12th March 2004 @ 03:16:46 PM AEST
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Beautiful piece. It must feel pretty bad sometimes. Keep strong, Hope.
Andrew


Re: Beneath (User Rating: 1 )
by Wachumiri on Saturday, 10th April 2004 @ 11:19:41 PM AEST
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Hey Hope, take care. Be strong!
David




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