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Array
(
[sid] => 37208
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => A letter to my father
[time] => 2004-03-03 17:36:27
[hometext] => I wrote this one night when I felt like there was no god out there.
[bodytext] => Dear Father, This is my first confession to you on paper. I know that I haven’t been a very good Christian I say that I have given my life to you but how can I do that if I feel like your not even here. They always tell me that you are in my heart. I know that you died on the cross for my sins. But sometimes I really wonder are you really here with me. Do you have all the answers to why I want to be accepted in this world? You can see what people do to me. You know the real reason people put me through all this pain. But I don’t understand anymore. It feels like the devil is taking over my soul and telling me to do things that I shouldn’t be doing. It feels like he’s telling me to end my life but I don’t want to I’m kind of afraid of death right now in a point in my life. I know that if I killed myself. I would go to hell but you know if their really is a hell or not. I believe in you and that you are my father and that you died for my sins and everybody else’s sins on that on that cross. But some people tell me that you don’t exist but I know better. I have never asked you for anything but for a few things and that was to be with some of my friends they really don’t believe that you are here for them. I once read Psalms 119 and it kind of confused me but it’s your word and I shouldn’t be confused. I remember when I was young and I would always go to church and learn stuff that I didn’t know. And then my best friend died and I blamed you. I though that you where trying to destroy me and I really didn’t want to believe in you anymore. And it just kept getting worse and worse from that point on. It was like you where taking everybody and everyone that I ever loved away from me in a spilt second and then I realized that it was the devil he was controlling my life and everything around me. And then you sent me my new best friend. And told him to look after me. He changed my life and he brought you into my life again. I know that I’m nothing but a mistake in my family they treat me like crap all the time. Am I just supposed to sit down and take what they do to me Why won’t you just send me a sign that there really are people out there who care about me. For me and not for who I’m not. Sometimes I wish that the people around me would just treat me with some respect. But I know that will never happen. Part Two will be put up when I'm down with it. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 307 [topic] => 11 [informant] => lildrama04 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => ChristianPoetry )
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