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(
[sid] => 34904
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => merry x-mas
[time] => 2004-02-13 23:03:45
[hometext] => a bit belated, but the feeling is there. i guess this is humorous poetry. at least i thought it was funny.
[bodytext] => 'twas a knife before christmas
that helped me to slay
the whole family that gathered
to celebrate that damned day
entrails were strung
by the chimney, gore-smeared
like demonic tinsel
that even angels feared
no children were left
to lie cozy in bed
rather hung from the rafters
like miseltoe that bled
this year there will be
no christmas turkey to carve
rather a large rack of ribs
thanks to fat uncle marv
no presents to open
only chest cavities
stocking stuffers will be
lungs, livers, and kidneys
mom's nailed to the wall
near the bare christmas tree
and her decorations hang and glow
like piercings of glee
baby todd's in the oven
skin cooking off the bone
to prepare a christmas stew
that, sadly, i'll enjoy alone
i put dad on the roof
and set him ablaze
he looks kinda like
a tacky light display
grandma's watching wrestling
and ordering pizza on the phone
well...i've got no real beef with her
so i just left her alone
the nativity scene reeks of feces
and i will gladly admit
that i'm the one who smeared it all
with blood, gravy, and *****
the best holiday i've ever had
yet, still i shed a tear
cuz i really don't think that good ole st. nick
will be making his rounds this year
i thought him a burglar when he came sneaking in
protection was my only goal
so i shot him twelve times, but it serves him right
for leaving me so many lumps of coal
but aside from that, all is perfect
other than that, all is right
so i wish you all a merry christmas
i wish you all a good night
[comments] => 5
[counter] => 194
[topic] => 7
[informant] => Cancer
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => HumorPoetry
)
merry x-mas
Contributed by
Cancer
on
Friday, 13th February 2004 @ 11:03:45 PM in AEST
Topic:
HumorPoetry
|
'twas a knife before christmas
that helped me to slay
the whole family that gathered
to celebrate that damned day
entrails were strung
by the chimney, gore-smeared
like demonic tinsel
that even angels feared
no children were left
to lie cozy in bed
rather hung from the rafters
like miseltoe that bled
this year there will be
no christmas turkey to carve
rather a large rack of ribs
thanks to fat uncle marv
no presents to open
only chest cavities
stocking stuffers will be
lungs, livers, and kidneys
mom's nailed to the wall
near the bare christmas tree
and her decorations hang and glow
like piercings of glee
baby todd's in the oven
skin cooking off the bone
to prepare a christmas stew
that, sadly, i'll enjoy alone
i put dad on the roof
and set him ablaze
he looks kinda like
a tacky light display
grandma's watching wrestling
and ordering pizza on the phone
well...i've got no real beef with her
so i just left her alone
the nativity scene reeks of feces
and i will gladly admit
that i'm the one who smeared it all
with blood, gravy, and *****
the best holiday i've ever had
yet, still i shed a tear
cuz i really don't think that good ole st. nick
will be making his rounds this year
i thought him a burglar when he came sneaking in
protection was my only goal
so i shot him twelve times, but it serves him right
for leaving me so many lumps of coal
but aside from that, all is perfect
other than that, all is right
so i wish you all a merry christmas
i wish you all a good night
Copyright ©
Cancer
... [
2004-02-13 23:03:45]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: merry x-mas
(User Rating: 1 )
by arden on
Friday, 13th February 2004 @ 11:27:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
that was hilarious! really good, i enjoyed it.
Arden |
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Re: merry x-mas
(User Rating: 1 )
by bobotheclown on
Monday, 16th February 2004 @ 02:04:45 AM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
|
lmao this was great thnx for the laugh. I think u crossed the line with the baby in the oven, but other than that it was great.
Bobo (Joel) |
|
|
Re: merry x-mas
(User Rating: 1 )
by poetrygodslove on
Tuesday, 24th February 2004 @ 11:40:06 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
TIS the night before christmas
a day sat a part
to tell cancer
what is in my heart
so sad was in his face
so much pain and agony
that he cant see jesus in anything.
finds ways to put him down
wants to make hisself known
for the pain and sadness
that is in his soul.
he dont want to forget about his past
cause he wants to live in it so much
cant look into the future
cause dont believe in such.
he takes the pain inside of him
he washes with his blood
and makes a sign that says
people just give up...
he has
he wants all to
he dont care
if you die to
he will lead the way
he will show you his knife
cut u deep with in
and tare your life apart...
but
deep within his heart
there is something there
something that was placed
way back when
love.
he says he loves his wife
says from the bottom of his heart
dont understand that god placed it there
cause you cant tell me where else it got its start.
it was there placed
from the god you dont care about
wanting to give you more
but you rather push it aside
and make up funny stories
and make them rhyme
but what is really true
i will tell you here
jesus died on the cross
way back then for you.... |
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Re: merry x-mas
(User Rating: 1 )
by Cancer on
Wednesday, 25th February 2004 @ 01:58:19 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
sandy, i actually have to throw up some "phat props" (i love the young people language) on what you wrote.
"he takes the pain inside of him
he washes with his blood
and makes a sign that says
people just give up...
he has
he wants all to
he dont care
if you die to
he will lead the way
he will show you his knife
cut u deep with in
and tare your life apart..."
that part was damn good. way to go.
as for the rest, i could argue with you, but why bother? i know what you believe, you know what i DON'T believe, what difference does it make? if you're right, you'll go to heaven and be happy and i'll go to hell and not really give a *****. if i'm right, we'll both eventually die and just rot alone and forgotten. no great loss on either side.
but, i just can't resist saying this. god didn't put my love for my wife inside me. she did. she IS my god. though she is my "devil" too. she saved my life several times. some days i love her for that, some days i hate her. so she is both my savior and my curse, depending on my mood.
but don't try and give your god credit for what my wife did. when i was mentally ***** beyond recognition, your god wasn't there to save me. my wife was. she helped me in ways your god never could. thus my love for her was earned through her actions, presence, and personality. it was not a love that was placed inside me before i even knew her. before i knew her, there was no love in me. if there was, i would have noticed it and stabbed it repeatedly until it's puny screams faded to nothing.
still, that was a pretty good write, even though you posted it as a comment.
51 |
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Re: merry x-mas
(User Rating: 1 )
by jaeann on
Thursday, 26th February 2004 @ 05:15:53 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
| i'm just laughing and nodding all the ay here.....your work...the comments.........just laughing and nodding...... |
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