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Array
(
[sid] => 33384
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => sick
[time] => 2004-02-01 00:43:07
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => nerves destroyed twitching, shaking watching things crawl on the walls things that don't exist things that can't exist things that i see all the same my mind is a bubble that holds an endless scream every attempt at thought warped and distorted by the shock waves of pain that the scream produces is it paranoia when all their eyes fall on me? is it truly schizophrenia when their faces turn to hell? is it depression when i look around me and just want to cry? is it really madness or is it knowledge gained in exchange for false feelings of safety and sanity when i'm bleeding they're feeding on the pain that drove me there and when, inside i toy with suicide they leave the gun under my pillow i build a wall of truth to show the world but they paint it with delusion backwards graffiti of the insane and i am left to look the fool as the world lives in a dying dream always outnumbered how can i win they put these thoughts within me they condition me to crave the end no memory of joy to give me strength for every yesterday is a lie within the cell that my life has become i've bled out all that was human i've washed my hands of man and his kind within this cell this lifelong hell i have become the monster whose claws bear the names of the hidden gods and when they come to feed me new thoughts designed to drive me off the edge i'll be waiting lipless, to show the fangs of hate that years of delusion have carved fearless, for death is just an illusion life never truly ends merely becomes internal after awhile soulless, because once you've seen the Machine your idea of god and spirit will change in a matter of moments mindless, because every thought i've ever had was never really mine (my ivory cell now spattered with the grey hue of blood when delusion is finally gone wearing the skins of the unknown gods like a savage from beyond the stars unknotting lives bound to lies leaving my trademark trail of scars) [comments] => 2 [counter] => 279 [topic] => 59 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => psychoticpoems )
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