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Array
(
[sid] => 31032
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => What must I do?
[time] => 2004-01-08 00:43:29
[hometext] => Questions about the struggle with-in. The struggle with faith and the questions of what to do.. Just sitting here thinking of a time past.
[bodytext] => --------_________--------------- During the light heaven is there, Darkness is not why I worry, It is the light I fear. I catch myself knelt down in my yard, Looking up sometimes angry at god, This life is not easy, Wondering why he made it so hard. When I became a father, I was the happiest man on earth, I was always there for my children, There every second of their birth, Sometimes I stare up, And I get lost in the sky, I think to myself “Should I really be here?” I ask god “Why?” All the things I did, from this to that, Losing my love, being down and out, Has god turned his back on me? I look to the skies, and that is what I shout! I am not perfect, God not by a long shot, This is true, You took all that I loved from me, All that I loved is what got me through. It feels like you took my heart, And crushed it with my life, Is this what you wanted for me? No more children? Divorced from my wife? What is it that I must do? Was I not that kind? Would you like me to take this gun? And let this bullet erase my mind? I can live with fear, And live without happiness, My heart is still hurting, can’t you hear? My soul still tormented with sadness. I feel no changes, Sometimes I awake and ask myself, Should I end it all today? Should I just blast myself? Gone is my life, Take away from me my kids, Things will never be the same, But I guess that is the way it is. Could I just end it all, or continue to cry? Should I continue to walk alone, not knowing what is true? Should I end the pain and allow myself to die? Good lord please tell me “What must I do?” In order to please you? [comments] => 0 [counter] => 370 [topic] => 48 [informant] => MajesticPoet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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