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Array
(
[sid] => 30930
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Looking Back
[time] => 2004-01-06 19:42:41
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => and now i look back, on all my spent years, i question my laughter, and i question my tears was i so scared that feared my own fears? i think now, past that time, that state of mind, of what I could have thought to do, what i thought i knew. no trace of any memory surfaces to show me what was going on in my mind that day and the day before it that made me wish i could end it, just split was i not seeing or was i only dreaming? looking back, i question my motives to halt my emotions i had built up so delicately only to crash upon? what crazed notion had creased my devotions why did i close my eyes my heart, and my will to know what i saw was not just a thrill? clarity proved to me i would always see no matter how tight i shut my eyes clench my fists and try to disguise through the darkness it would prevail my entire sob story in one long wail and i weep for the truth that i know will come but i dodge any pain that may come, and make myself numb a common practice i have learned to master any time, any circumstance a smile i can plaster a passerby would not have a chance to see, with a glare, stare, or glance to know what i dont show deep inside the real me the feel-me where my smiles are upside down and the tears pour all over the town because the heart is raw burnt, and immune no one can see my delicate tune wrapped so tight in protection from light and sight to those i know cause fright upon me and my night so there can never be a person close to me to really see... whats going on inside of me? i look back, and question me... [comments] => 2 [counter] => 163 [topic] => 48 [informant] => calista [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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