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Array
(
[sid] => 2930
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Did you think I would Forget?
[time] => 2002-08-28 16:53:16
[hometext] => Here is something that i am still having a hard time coming to grips with and handling very well in my life, but i am getting there, all comments wanted and welcome, thanks :)
[bodytext] => Did you think i would forget?
I remember. Despite what you may wish... I remember. Like shimmers in a pond These memories flash before me Some certain Others fleeting fears... I remember the smell of your breath The alcohol on your lips You had gin and tonic that night The touch of your sweaty palms on my bare arms They were cold and wet Did i make you sweat? Was it the look of fear in my eyes Or the feeling of my tight body under yours? You ripped my shirt Did it make you feel strong? I remember the slur in your speech The spit that flew as you laughed with your friends The look in your eyes as you felt so in control Your blue ones stared back at me, flat, uncarring Then the brown ones of your friend Almost sympathetic but much more pleased while he was getting his action in I remember the beer spilled on my sweater I smelled it the next morning and nearly died of shame I still feel your teeth as they bear down on my breast I shouted, i struggled, i tried my best The Jacket that your other friend wore Had a green frog on it God how i wish i didnt have to stare at that frog while he violated me again and again The drug in my drink had dulled me for the time But I was hit repeatedly in the weeks to come With vivid imagery and painful reminders of what happened Your last friends nails had dirt under them I could see it when he had his hand over my mouth and his fingers right in front of my eyes I remember your fists, hard and unforgiving How i wished for weeks that i had not gone on living The words that you threw at me, cut me so deep But none of them as deep as what you carved above my knee A brand of shame you left upon my skin A daily reminder you permanently left with me A sign of filth and the whore that you made me that night A mark that nearly makes me want to drop this fight But i remember The feel of my warm blood trickling down my leg I remember the smell of the chalk from the pool table on your hands The feel of them in my hair Not yours though, the hands of your friend as he held me down You couldnt even leave me with that A lock of my hair as a token of your conquest But you have not won yet There is a battle continuing in me One to live on, a battle to be free Free of the pain you brought me The trust you stole from me My purity that you wrenched from me This battle will never be over That much I know But I promise you now I will never let go. Because I remember Each face and name I remember all the fear and pain Some day there will be justice It may not be now But there will be a time when i show you how... How it feels to be so helpless Used, disregarded, hurt and discarded Just know that I remember all that i can You have not beat me No matter what control you had over me then Or how big and bad you felt as i wept Curled in a ball on that table Half naked, beaten, bruised and bleeding... I may have been used and hurt that night by you and your friends... But there is something that you must face each time you see me on campus or in your class It is something that you cannot hide from as you look in my eyes as we pass in the hall The knowledge that i didnt leave I didnt run and hide You get to see me everywhere Eachday getting stronger Knowing that anyday i could have your lives Go on living and walking through your routine But know this is a fact and remember this one thing Not one of you is a real man As much as you think you are All the control you had Means nothing in the end Because i am still here and i have survived See, I Remember everything about you Everything from that night And yet i am still here and i have survived. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 224 [topic] => 6 [informant] => Avery [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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