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Array
(
[sid] => 29262
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => why did you make me lie to you?
[time] => 2003-12-13 01:15:03
[hometext] => not a poem, not even a scrawl, just a rant about someone who would rather i lie to them, than spoil their mood with my true feelings
[bodytext] => feigned the happiness that you wanted to see couldn't let you see my true eyes you didn't have time for me i'm not asking for your sympathy i just want to know why it ****** you off to see my true feelings when i was depressed or angry you begrudged me for not playing my part why did i have to act for you it's not as if i wanted anything from you i didn't want your ******* pity and i didn't need your feeble help i could get by on my own but you just made it harder another person i had to lie to painted that crooked smile on my face so YOU could sleep better at night don't let me get in the way i don't know how i would live with myself i'm almost sorry that i turned out to be more of a problem than you thought i'd be guess you should of thought about that before i was conceived now I don't have time for YOUR frustration so suck it up and get over it "can't you try to be happy?" what a novel idea! how did such advanced thought escape me you ******* ape you can't even see past your job and when you do all you see is a disappointment never saw a child in trouble never saw a boy, about to break "if jesse can make good grades, you can too" yes i could, but i didn't because i didn't care what's it gonna take to get that through your thick skull i can't dumb this down much more "why can't you just see that everybody isn't out to get you?" i won't lie i nearly killed you when you said that how you could be so blind so ignorant still amazes me but once i moved out you totally changed i'd never seen you that happy that easy going and i don't think you'll ever know just how much that hurt how much it ****** with me to see how great you felt to see me leave guess you figured i wasn't your problem anymore and know you give me the fake smile the fake laugh like i've seen you give to so many others i think that that hurts worst of all the knowledge that i've become one of the people you lie to one of the people that you fake for like i'm not even your son anymore just someone that you have to be civil towards but if i died, you'd cry though i doubt you'd even understand why you'd just go through the motions like you always did when i was your son back before i tore free of the pedestal you nailed me to the spotlight that you forced me into back before i stopped existing for you and started living for myself but i won't lie i still love you and i think, somehow, you love me too but sadly, you don't really love me just love the idea of what you wanted me to be [comments] => 3 [counter] => 172 [topic] => 21 [informant] => Cancer [notes] => < Edited by Mod_8 for language > [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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