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Array
(
[sid] => 28094
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => shouting at the top of my lungs
[time] => 2003-11-27 18:59:48
[hometext] => I DON'T WANT TO BE A SECRET. if you have any questions on this, just ask.
[bodytext] => I feel so fake when my weak face smiles just so I won't be thrown away ...like most tears are no one should want to share these with me so I'll say everything's fine I will lie for as long as I can I'll say I want to be extra to you and that I love my life even though this heart has no home I will say, "don't ask for the truth and I won't tell" ...but I really wish someone wanted to know... I wonder, "How much longer will this thing run without being put to use somewhere?" it won't be long... before I'll force my cold heart on anyone who might accept it I could give my heart to you on a slip of paper so you'll HAVE to read me but you'll never have to ask me anything... I wish you would. There are the things I won't think about, the things I won't think about telling, and the things I won't tell. There are words in my heart that I won't allow to my lungs words in my lungs I'll not allow to my throat. words in my throat I'll not allow to my lips ...because there are words in the air you're not thirsty enough to allow past your ear... I said them softly "I don't want to be a secret" "I don't want to be a secret" "I don't want to be a secret" "I don't want to be a secret" until I was crying and I couldn't whisper anymore now all I can let out are shouts and tears and deep breaths inbetween I'll apologize and at the same time I'll blame everyone for the apathy that let them witness this. Did I choose to let my heart die? Did I choose to become so cold? Did I choose to become so difficult to love? "I didn't turn up the volume, you did. Is this too loud for anyone to keep listening to? Well I'll keep shouting at the top of my lungs!" I've been trying to live with no room in my ribcage to do so you'll reach into my open chest pull my reason to feel from it's cage and hold it as long as the exit wound doesn't heal shut shut the cage and lock it after you force my heart back to me because I know... it's for my own good and besides, it's not quite what you were looking for it has holes in it and it leaks you don't like hearts that bleed this much If I can't empty my heart I'll go empty my pen and eyes of any warm liquid. I'm ashamed for pulling myself inside out for you when your lips had barely begun to form the words to ask the favor [comments] => 4 [counter] => 203 [topic] => 6 [informant] => Written2bRead [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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