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Array ( [sid] => 26800 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Sitting [time] => 2003-11-09 23:12:32 [hometext] => I hope she'll never read this.... [bodytext] => I sit here alone
trying to cry.
Wishing I had
done it all different.
Refusing to change it.
It is as it is
and it's all for the best.
Missing you though
while staring at this
thing in my hands
a knife so sharp.
Want to cut myself
but can't bring it across
just sitting in me.
Seeing the blood
at the point
they both meet
metal and flesh.
Almost mesmerized
by the beauty of it.
Hoping for life
yet yearning for death.
She'll never know
that I'm sitting here.
Waking back up.
I'm here again.

The book of the faulty phoenix [comments] => 4 [counter] => 207 [topic] => 43 [informant] => Cobalt [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 1 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Sitting

Contributed by Cobalt on Sunday, 9th November 2003 @ 11:12:32 PM in AEST
Topic: oops

I sit here alone
trying to cry.
Wishing I had
done it all different.
Refusing to change it.
It is as it is
and it's all for the best.
Missing you though
while staring at this
thing in my hands
a knife so sharp.
Want to cut myself
but can't bring it across
just sitting in me.
Seeing the blood
at the point
they both meet
metal and flesh.
Almost mesmerized
by the beauty of it.
Hoping for life
yet yearning for death.
She'll never know
that I'm sitting here.
Waking back up.
I'm here again.

The book of the faulty phoenix

Copyright © Cobalt ... [ 2003-11-09 23:12:32]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Sitting (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Monday, 10th November 2003 @ 12:21:30 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hi there,
Jus reading your work here.
I have a question for u as I see so many poems here about suicide and I just talked to a very young child that's planning another suicide attempt. This saddens me to no end!
I know life is so hard when we loose someone we luv be it death or a break up but life is worth living.
Oh my question is what is so fasenting about ones own blood flowing? I'm not asking to be sarcastic but I wonna know as it's rampid today.
u can private mesassage me, please, to help me understand. I can't help if I can't understand.
thank u so much and hang tuff!
peace, joy, luv, a better way,
emy

Re: Sitting (User Rating: 1 )
by lovingcritters on Monday, 10th November 2003 @ 02:47:09 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

dear colbalt, i've come to understand your reasonableness on the forum we share. And I also hotline for those who dare? What I wrote on the forurm, is so true....do you ever feel like someone else is influencing you?
Perhaps controlling your mind! Please set yourself free, Colbalt....the torture you must go through.
And this poem reveals so much to me about you! You are still concerned, you haven't lost everything namely your heart....or you wouldn't care who saw you poem or if it tore them apart!
There is hope, Colbalt...ride it thorugh....there is a light at the end of the tunnel...is where you will see you!
Warm Kind Love,
lovingcritters
ConSue

Re: Sitting (User Rating: 1 )
by MoonlitAngel on Monday, 10th November 2003 @ 05:59:23 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I've had similar moments... I still hope the person never finds out!

Wishing I had
done it all different.
Refusing to change it.
It is as it is
and it's all for the best.

That part in particular hits eerily close to home for me, every word of it. I'm starting to think you and me have a lot in common, lol. In all seriousness, I hope you don't truly yearn for death. And I'm not saying that as a happy, butterflies-and-rainbows kind of person. Coz I'm not happy either. But I don't wish death for you, or myself, or anyone else. Just wanted to say that. Great write btw.

~ Moonlit

Re: Sitting (User Rating: 1 )
by Cobalt on Wednesday, 12th November 2003 @ 11:52:00 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I did not want her to see it much the same as I debated putting it up here. People see this and usually will wig out. I had thought at one time about killing myself but I would never do such a thing. It just kinda came out. It was meant to be different but just wasn't meant to be.
Jeff

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